Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Only in Monroe, Louisiana...

Some moron stole a squirrel monkey from the Louisiana Purchase Gardens and Zoo!

When I heard that a squirrel monkey had been "kidnapped" in Monroe, Louisiana, I was not at all surprised. Monkey kidnappings are a regular happening in Monroe, LA.

I have been to the Louisiana Purchase Gardens and Zoo before. They call it a "zoo."


There are a few goats, chickens, cockatoos, and pigs...and about fifty jazillion monkeys. It really is just an ape-crazy place, masquerading as a "zoo."

Anyway, according to the article, some moron broke the lock on one of the 4,000 monkey cages, and "kidnapped" a stinkin' monkey! Now, how do you "kidnap" a monkey? I mean, do you send the ransom note, wrappped around a banana to Cheetah?

You just gotta love the way the Monroe NewsStar fish wrapper covered the most recent monkey kidnapping, and what Zoo Director Joe Clawson had to say about the whole thing:

Bartley said whoever kidnapped the monkey may have been planning to sell the animal. Zoo director Joe Clawson said there is a vigorous trade for pet monkeys.

"There is a demand for primates as pets," Clawson said. "But it is not advisable to keep one."

Clawson said people see human traits in primates, and their features appeal to them, not unlike a baby.

But Clawson said monkeys do not make good pets because, unlike dogs and cats, monkeys have not been domesticated over thousands of years by humans.

"They don't behave like normal pets," Clawson said. "They're very willful. They will hang from chandeliers. They're not obedient."

Clawson is right! Monkeys are very willful!...I mean, hanging from chandeliers and all like they do...

When I heard this story on the radio this morning, I thought to myself, "Now, how easy is this case gonna be to crack?" Think about it. If your next door neighbor came up with an extra squirrel monkey in the pecan tree, wouldn't you notice? If you dropped by your friend's house, and a squirrel monkey was hanging from the ceiling fan, would it not cross your mind that he might be the "kidnapped" primate?

Well, Monroe police were on top of this...and the kidnapped squirrel monkey has been released from captivity back to his cage.

All's well that ends well...


  1. Easy to splain the motive on this one! Anyone who has been to Monroe would understand that someone heard that them monkeys were tasty. The rest followed naturally.

  2. HA! That clears it up. Before I went vegetarian, I could sure bear down on a good fried rhesus sammich!


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