Wednesday, January 20, 2010

You're a m####er fu###n b####rd!

As a loyal user of the worldwide computer, and a visitor of many blogs, news sites, etc. (probably too many), I so very often get tired of potty-mouth "comments!" I mean, it's one thing if the particular blog lends itself to such usage. But, it's quite another when you are on a news site, or on The YouTube, and read MFthis, and MFthat in every other comment...usually directed toward the MFer just down the page.

(I have a long, long, very funny and insightful story about my 9th grade Civics teacher, Mrs. Carma Cook, and how she "broke me" from using cuss words while addressing others. But, I will not share it just now. Don't bother to thank me...)

Regardless, it bugs the living crap out of me that folks get into cussing matches in "comments." I mean, do they really think that by calling somebody a name it's gonna somehow change their mind on something? Nope!

In fact, I think that the crude commenting crowd does it just to get a rise out of others. I reckon that they don't have much in life to hang their hat on, and hope to get some kind of jolly with robe front open, in their bedroom in Momma's basement between page loads of porn.

You know what I'm talking about. Trust me...I do not mind one whit if I find raw language or content when I visit a site that is known for raw language, or content. I expect it. But when I'm over at The Politico, or looking at The YouTube, or some other site, it bugs the heavin' s##t out of me to see two little s##ts swapping vulgar insults back and forth in three-quarter time. I mean, it's like the Waltz of The Retards or something.

I'm lobbying for a higher level of insultery on the worldwide computer. And, I just happen to come across a post over at The Lemon Stand today that I really liked.

In said post, Lemon Stand (who I really have limited knowledge of) talks about her joint effort with a friend to trade creative (no foul language) insults back and forth. I found it quite enjoyable, and thought I'd share it with y'all.

These are the ones that they barbed each other with. I'm copying them down, and saving them.
Just so you'll know...coming to a comment box near you...

"Were I to find him in the wild being torn apart alive by rabid dogs, I'd merrily sell popcorn."

"You are a sleezy, slimy, sticky, stinky, scum bucket full of maggot vomit and horse poo."

"If you're going to be two faced then, sweetie, at least let one of them be pretty."

"If I throw a stick, will you leave?"

"I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you."

"My mother told me to never speak ill of people. So, let me just say you are a marvelously articulate chimp."

"You are the ignoble, ignorant, illiterate, incestuous, illegitimate progeny of parents who belong to the phyla insecta."
"Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view."
"I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."
"Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."
"You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication."
"I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."
"If you had half a brain, it'd be lonely..."

I think my favorite is : "I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."

I'm using that one pretty soon...


  1. Dang, you are really gonna hate the linkfest I am working on.

  2. TD, I can't barely wait. This IS likely to be one of your finest moments.

    I promise that I will save, chronicle, and report all data.

    And, I do not mind one bit if it's potty mouthed stuff. (If I'm expecting it, it don't bother me one bit)

  3. I knew I could count you, TD. You am is righteous.

  4. I'm so glad you liked it. Believe me there were a few that, although no foul language was involved, I had to leave out of my blog because I have family who are too young to get the gist or who do not need to get the gist this early in life.

    I also have to reiterate that these wonderful insults are not of our own making. We found them on various web sites but are all worthy of sharing! :)

  5. My personal fav that I use sparingly with unruly commenters: "are you a moron by birth or choice? I reckon it's the latter"

  6. Lemon, it was quite enjoyable reading. I'm saving 'em...

    Skunks, sadly the latter is usually the case. ;)

  7. I've used at least one of the cited comments in the past. But I generally avoid the Fever Swamps these days... they're tiring.

  8. Skunkfeathers, one of the ones I didn't post was similar to your, "are you a moron by birth or choice? I reckon it's the latter"

    It was "I hope you don't mind my asking but did any of your parents kids live?"

    I have an eleven year old whom I would've heard repeating that... at school. I really do try to avoid those calls from the principals office when it is within my ability to prevent. :)

  9. Nyuk! Oh, Lemon Stand, that IS funny. I'm adding it to the list. And I know what you mean about not being able to let the youngsters in on ALL the good ones.


Don't cuss nobody out, okay?