Tuesday, August 24, 2010

So, I went to this meeting...


There I was at work this afternoon, minding my own business, and I receive a notice that I must attend a meeting, seeing as I am a new employee at my company, and all new employees must attend this meeting.  I was deep in the well of accomplishing junk that I really wanted to accomplish today when I got this notice.  I had many more feet of deep to dive today if I was gonna get everything done that I had set out to do when I showed up this morning.

After reading the subject that the meeting would cover, I had three thoughts.

#1)  I already know all of this.

#2)  It should take about 20 minutes, because that should be about 20 minutes of information.

#3)  It might be somewhat interesting.  Even though I already know all of this, my new employer may have some particular corporate quirks/policies/other junk in their system that I might need to know, and possibly make use of in the future.

I was right 1/3 right. 

I was right on thought #1.  I did already know all of this.  But, evidently NO ONE ELSE that has been recently hired did.

See, what had happened was that obviously my new employer had purchased their own Short Bus, driven it around Northwest Louisiana...picked up all the "special folk" they could find, and brought them there to be educated on this particular subject.  Maybe they got a gubmit grant or something...

20 minutes of subject matter in an informational meeting turned in to TWO AND ONE HALF HOURS of pure intellectual hell!  


Look, I know that it is not kind to lump retards in with folks that are just stupid by choice, but I listened to about four million retarded questions from folks with the wherewithal to actually put on clothes, tie their shoes, drive (or get a ride) to work, and find the room where the meeting was held.  

All the while I could only think about that long list of junk that I had hoped to get done today that was waiting for me...and praying to God that maybe somebody would like have a stroke or something so that we would be ordered to leave the room and go back to where we came from.  No such luck.  So, I am now backed WAY UP on the junk I need to get done to feel good about my work, and my progress in it.

So, when I checked out this evening I can say that I was truly frustrated.  But, there are a couple of good things in all of this.  I found out that I CAN drop my frustrations when I hit the "EXIT" door.  I haven't told y'all about this, but I've been quite the bear when I arrive at Andy's Place in the evening.  I realized it myself, and recognized that I do not have that good partitioning skill honed and at the ready.

But, I did today.  When I hit the EXIT door, I dropped it right there.  I only made a vague mention of it to The Mrs., and then only jokingly.  I'm is proud.

And the other good thing is the affirmation that if I end up liking what I am doing, I will NEVER get fired.  The company certainly may fold and force me to look for another job.  But, after getting an up close and personal look at the employee pool out there...well...

Then again, there comes a true think piece.  My employer hired all the Short Bus folks they could round up...

...and me.



  1. This might not work for you to get out of meetings simply because of where you work, but this is what I always do. I get someone to call me on my cell phone at the half hour mark and let me know that I have a family emergency and I simply start to panic.

    Works every time.

  2. Nyuk! TD, it certainly will not work out for me at this point. But, I'm hanging on to that tip for future reference. Muchas gracias, amigo.

  3. I do what Paul does, except I haven't had a cellphone since January. Pantomiming a life-or-death situation while talking on an imaginary phone will get ya out of a meeting real quickity like.

  4. And doing it Inno's way can get you free room and board, too. Padded cell with all the trimmings.

  5. Paul and Inny are the go to guys for these sort of issues to be sure. I had fake phone call moment today in fact. That's about as far as my acting range will carry me. That and a hoarse phone voice when I need to bail on work because of important stuff like couching it to watch my junk tv shows. And Andy: Repeat after me: There is no such thing as twenty minute work meetings.

  6. I hate it when people ask stupid questions or get off-topic and drag out a meeting - makes you want to take them behind the building and pound on them a bit. Hey, it works on the schoolground.

  7. Let's see, sit in a meeting and get paid or work. Depends on what you boss expects. My old saying is that the brain can absorb only what the butt can endure. Sit back, relax and write your next blog in your mind. MUD

  8. Maybe you do have a few things to learn about this kind of stuff ;-)

    In the beginning was the plan.
    And then came the assumptions.
    And the assumptions were without form.
    And the plan was without substance.
    And darkness was upon the face of the workers.

    And they spoke among themselves saying,
    "It is a crock of shit and it stinketh."
    And the workers went unto their supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."

    And the supervisors went unto their managers and said, "It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."

    And the managers went unto their directors, saying,
    "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

    And the directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong."

    And the directors went unto the vice presidents, saying unto them,"It promotes growth and is very powerful."

    And the vice presidents went unto the president, saying unto him, "The new plan will promote the growth and vigor of the company, with powerful effects."

    And the president looked upon the plan and saw that it was good. And the plan became policy.

    This is how shit happens.

    For myself, everything I did at work fell into one of two categories: my problem, not my problem. If the boss wanted me to sit in a meeting for 2.5 hrs and the resulting backup of actual work could wait... not my problem.

    Of course, if the delay caused me to have to work frantically to catch up? My problem. But what can you do?

    Have a cold one and forget it. That's what.

  9. I used to do a variation on the cell phone thing... I'd tell my shift supervisor (who worked for me) that if I wasn't back in a half hour he/she should stick their head in the conference room and say "Buck, we need you... right NOW." I'd get up, leave and wouldn't return.

    Towards the end of my career I finally just quit going to meetings I thought were a waste of time. That worked even better.

  10. Here's a couple for you, Andy, you can always play B.S. Bingo. I'll see if I can find a card for you. It's what Obama Bingo was based on. A couple of us Army guys played it in Air Force meetings and they quit inviting us. Look for key words and phrases present in all meetings like "out of the box" and "budget plan" and .... you get the idea. Make a bingo card out of it and the first one to get all in a row yells B___$h__! Works every time but you get some funny looks.
    Another way to leave meetings is to grab your stomach, get a funny look on your face and just excuse yourself from the room when you get tired of being there. Good luck!!

  11. Facebook on the cell phone. It can be a "Calgon, take me away!" kind of tool in interminable meetings.

    Our department secretary rotated calling each of us out of meetings for "emergencies."

    She always got great Christmas and birthday presents!


Don't cuss nobody out, okay?