I'M VOTING FOR HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT

Okay, I’ll tell you right up front that this is a long, long story. I tried to figure a way to make it short, but I can’t. If you’re too busy to look at it, or don’t care why I’m voting for Hillary, just move on past this one.

Next, I am not endorsing Hillary, I’m just voting for her in the Democrat primary.

I’m finally calmed down after The Tigers won the game last night, but I sure did have the reds yesterday at the Louisiana Republican Party. I mean, they really messed me over good.

On Monday, I go out to check the mail, and there’s this postcard in the mail from the Louisiana Republican Party. It’s telling me that I only have two days to change my registration so that I can vote in the Republican Primary for President. Now this really ticked me off. I ain’t a Republican, nor a Democrat…I’m something else. But I always voted in the Republican primary. So I’m bumfuzzled by this.

My neighbor across the street hollered at me about that time, and said he was running up to Bass Pro Shop for awhile, and did I want to go? I hollered back “NO, I got some serious business to take care of.” So he went on without me.

I really was bumfuzzled, and didn’t know what to do. So I looked on that postcard and there was a telephone number for the Republican office down in Baton Rouge. It was a long distance number, and I noticed right off that it wasn’t a 800 number…had a regular area code. So I sat down to give them a call, and wouldn’t you know it, my phone card had run out of minutes (our long distance got shut down awhile back…something about 900 area code phone calls…but that’s another story).

Well, since I knew that my neighbor wasn’t home, I decided to go over and use his phone. It took me awhile to get in the house, but I finally did. So, I call the number, and this fellow answers. He was a real fast-talking fellow. I think he might have been a coonass, because you know a lot of them talk real fast. And it was hard to make out what he was saying, but I tried hard.

So, I started telling this fellow about this card that I got in the mail, and how I was bumfuzzled because I always voted Republican primarys even though I was something else, and I asked him what was up.

He said, “Yes sir, the Louisiana Republican Party’s new rules require that you be a registered Republican to vote in any Republican primary.” Then he went on to explain why them folks had changed the rules. I understood why they done it, but I just hate it when somebody throws something on you sudden like that.

So I asked the fellow how to get registered up as a Republican. He tells me, “you must go to the Registrar of Voters at your Parish Court House, and change your registration to Republican.”

There’s where the problem set it. Now, my Parish Courthouse is way up north of where I live…way up north (I don’t know what stupid Redneck decided to put the Courthouse way out of town…but that’s a different story). So I started explaining to the fellow that my truck ain’t running very good right now, and I’m afraid to risk the trip all the way up there. And how I sure don’t want to bother any of my buddies to pump me all the way up there just for something ignorant like this stupid new Republican rule.

So, I had a thought…I asked the fellow if I could get a “hardship exemption,” due to the fact that my truck ain’t running reliable enough to get way up there. He told me “No sir, you may not be exempted. You must re-register with your Parish registrar.”

So, I had another thought…I asked the boy if I could do it on the phone with him (you know, kind of like when the power company is about to cut the lights off, and you can call ‘em and give them your checking account number and all). I figured he could, being as he was a Republican. This is where this coonass fellow got a little bit testy with me…and the reds started rising up.

All the sudden, this fellow started acting all high and mighty, and told me that he didn’t have time for this foolishness, and I should just call the Democrats.

So, I asked him if he had the number. He did. It took me a good while to find a pencil at my neighbors house. I finally found one in the nightstand (I ain’t gonna tell you what else I found…shoot), and wrote the number down. It was another long distance number…down in New Orleans. So, I tried to be Christian, and thanked the fellow for all his help (even though I was really boilin’ up inside). He didn’t say nothing, just hung up.

So, I looked out the front window…not a sign of my neighbor. So I figured I’d go ahead on and call the Democrats in New Orleans.

So I call the Democrat number, and this real nice young black lady answers (I could tell she was young and black…just cause I can tell). So I started telling her about this card I got in the mail, and how the Louisiana Republican Party had messed me over, and how my truck ain’t running good enough to chance a trip all the way up to the Courthouse, and how ugly that coonass Republican was, and how I was bumfuzzled and all, because I ain’t a Republican or a Democrat…I’m something else.

Ooohhhh, this gal was nice. She told me, “This is no problem, sir. The Louisiana Democratic Party has decided to keep our primaries open to voters of any party, even unaffiliated voters.” So I asked her “even Rednecks?” And she said, “Oh, yes sir, especially Rednecks.” Man, I got to feeling better quick.

So we talked for a long time. We got to talking about family, and church, and Jesus, and our problems, and our neighbors. We kinda got hung up on neighbors. I started telling her about the little problems I been having with my neighbors, like the cable TV thing, and the water hose problem with another neighbor, and the 911 call thing, and that mysterious long distance phone bill last month that my buddy got, and that dog problem with the mailman…and on and on.

Shoot, we must have talked for half a hour or so. She seemed like she was kinda busy finally, so I got back to business. I asked her which Democrat I ought to vote for in the primary. She was really kind of (let me get my word book…) evasive answering that one, and I didn’t want to push.

About that time I looked out the window and seen my neighbor’s truck making the corner, so I figured I’d better shut this down. But I was worried about one more thing. So I asked her if I figured out what Democrat I was gonna vote for, did I have to put a sign out in the yard advertising for them? It got kinda quiet on her end, and she finally said, “Oh, no sir. I don’t think that’s a good idea."

I was relieved…I didn’t want to be obliged to advertise for a Democrat, just ‘cause they’ll let me vote.

So, I’m “in” for the primary voting. I looked at all the Democrats, and I really like Bill Richardson best…but I want my vote to count, and he ain’t got a chance. So it was a coin-toss between Obama and Clinton. But yesterday, I seen Hillary crying about how much she loves America, and these buddies of mine sent me these computer letters about how Obama goes to this racist church. And I just won’t truck with that. Hillary might be old and ugly, but she likes white folks…and I can live with that.

So, there ya go…now you know.