THIS WAS A VERY LAME ATTEMPT AT HUMOR! GOOGLE SEARCH HAS LEAD YOU TO THE WRONG PLACE! AGAIN!
Well, I got to the hotel that the Giants are staying at, and presented my "Press Credentials" to the fellow I had talked to this morning. So, he walked me back to a private conference room, and in walked Eli Manning.
I'll tell you the truth. That boy looks small on TV, but in person, he is not small at all. When we shook hands I almost double-kneed. We sat down at a table, and started the interview. I haven't written up the story for RP just yet, but I thought I would just put up on the computer the entire text of the interview.
Me: Eli, thanks so much for giving me your valuable time.
Eli: No problem Andy, I know that besides NASCAR races, pro football games are the most important events in the lives of Rednecks. I am always thrilled to talk to the RP.
Me: Thanks Eli. So, let's start with you. It must have been pretty hard coming up as a son of a legendary quarterback. What was it like growing up in New Orleans as the son of "Archie."
Eli: "Archie Who?" (laughing) I'll admit that it was tough on me as a kid. Everybody always wanted to compare me to my Dad. But when I was in High School, I realized that I was a whole lot better than my Dad could ever hope to be. So I just let it roll off my back, and determined that I was going to prove it to the world, and to him.
Me: Is that why you went to Ole Miss?
Eli: Somewhat, but not completely. I went to Ole Miss to wipe out my Dad's records, certainly. But Tennessee wanted me to play for them also. So, I was torn between wiping out my Dad's records at Ole Miss, or wiping out Payton's records at Tennessee. While considering my options, I decided that if I went to Tennessee I would be under pressure to actually win a National Championship. Tennessee actually had a viable football program, and if I couldn't lead them to the top I wouldn't win any awards, or stand a shot at the NFL.
So I chose Ole Miss. Nobody expected me to lead the Rebels to anything. Those guys that I played with at Ole Miss were so pathetic that a 6-5, or 7-4 record kept everybody happy, and got me every imaginable award in college. And I've got to add (laughing) that the chicks at Ole Miss are second to none (winking). I saw a bunch of skaggs when I visited UT, and that sealed the deal for me with Ole Miss.
Me: So, your decision to go to Ole Miss had more to do with your future than your family loyalty?
Eli: Right! I made my decision based on the fact that I didn't want to really have to contend for a championship, and that I didn't want to end up like my Dad...you know, a pseudo hero that never won very many games in the NFL, and is an advertising hack for a vinyl siding company down in Louisiana (semi-laughing).
Me: I understand. Now, let me ask you about being Payton's brother. How hard was that for you coming behind him in high school, college, and on into the pros?
Eli: It wasn't hard at all. I am so much better than Payton that it's not even funny...I mean, look how long it took him to get to the Super Bowl. Look at how many big games he blew. Then look at where I am now. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother, but he's not nearly as good as the press has made him out to be.
Me: Those are some pretty harsh words...
Eli: Harsh? You should have been me, and had to grow up with "Payton this," and "Payton that," and "Payton threw 5 touchdowns against Neville," and "Payton stayed an extra year in college to win a National Championship," and "Payton never wet his bed," and "Payton didn't cry when Grandpa died."
Me: Well, let's move on. Did you have a good flight to Phoenix? Did you get to fly "first class," or have to ride in the back of the bus with those black fellows?
Eli: What?
Me: Sorry. Did the trip from New York go well?
Eli: It was okay...just another flight.
Me: Okay, so let's talk about the game. In your last regular season game, you came up against Brady and the Patriots. You almost beat them. Do you think that you can almost beat them again in the Super Bowl?
Eli: Definitely! I am positive that we can almost beat them again. I mean, I don't want to pull a Namath and make any guarantees...but I am certain that we can almost beat the Patriots again. In fact, I'll go out on a limb and guarantee it. We will definitely almost beat New England in the Super Bowl.
Me: Well, that's breathtaking Eli. What do you think Brady's going to think about that throwdown of a gauntlet?
Eli: I don't know. I just hope that nobody in the Patriot organization reads this (laughing). I know how coaches use challenges like that to motivate their team. I know that Tom has been writing "quotes" from the Patriots on the walls of our locker room to try to motivate us.
Me: Is that working?
Eli: Not really. Most of the guys know that we are going to lose. We all grew up in football reading that crap on the walls from coaches, and it really comes down to reality Andy. They are just better than us.
Me: Wow! I don't think I've ever heard a player be as honest as you are.
Eli: Well I am an honest guy.
Me: Let's move on. You may, or may not know that I have been reporting about steroid pill use in the NFL.
Eli: (Interrupting me) Yes, I know...
Me: So Eli, how long have you been taking steroid pills?
Eli: (Laughing) Andy, I don't need to take steroids. I mean, look at me. I am like a Greek god. I have athletic genes. I am smarter than anybody in football. I have more money than my Dad could ever imagine. Why would I risk my health?
Me: Sorry Eli. I just had to ask. So, how many of your teammates take steroid pills?
Eli: Andy, would you get off this steroid thing? None of us take steroids. By the way, athletes don't take "steroid pills." Steroids are administered by injection.
Me: So Eli, you seem to have some special knowledge of how steroid pills are "administered by injection." From your answer, should I inquire that you have taken steroid pills?
Eli: Look...you can't "inquire" anything from what I said. You could "infer" something, but...well...I think it's about time for this interview to end.
Me: Come on Eli, I'm sorry. I didn't know this would set you off like it did. Please stay a little longer.
Eli: Okay, but get off the stupid steroid subject.
Me: No problem. There was some talk of "counterfeiting" charges when you were at Ole Miss...
Eli: No Andy, you've got me confused with Billy Cannon at LSU.
Me: Well Eli, I'm not confused at all. Take a look at this...what do you have to say?
Eli: I don't have anything to say! That's a stupid trick using PhotoShop. Don't you know anything? (Fists beginning to clinch again)Me: No problem. So, let's go back to your personal life. Your real name is Elisha, but you go by Eli...
Eli: Yes, that's right. My full name is Elisha Nelson Manning.
Me: So, you were named after a prophet from the Old Testament, and your nickname is also a prophet from the Bible. So I guess your family is a Christian family...
Eli: Oh yea...certainly. Our Christian faith is very important to us in the Manning family. We believe in Christ, and the Bible.
Me: So you believe in the Bible, do you?
Eli: Sure!
Me: Well, why have you been living in sin with a hot blonde outside of marriage for so long?
Eli: What?
Me: Come on Eli, everybody knows that you've been living with this Abby McGrew chick for years...ever since your days at Ole Miss. When are you gonna make an honest woman of her? I mean, you got alot of money now, so go ahead on and buy the cow.
Eli: Andy, you're getting pretty close to the edge with that statement (fists really tightening now). But I will tell you that we are engaged to be married as of a few days ago.
Me: Well congratulations there "prophet of God." Sure...you're really going to marry her?
Eli: Yes, yes I am!
Me: Are you going to have a pre-nup?
Eli: Dang right!
Me: Well Eli, she is really hot. It was a good idea going to Ole Miss, huh?
Eli: Dang right! (smiling)
Me: Well, our time is up Eli. Me, and the RP appreciate your time.
Eli: No problem Andy.
Me: One more question Eli, why do you seem to win games away from home, and lose them at home?
Eli: "Payton never wet the bed..."
So, that's the raw roughage of my interview with Eli. He's a real nice fellow. I hope he does good on Sunday. I'll sharpen it all up, and download it to the RP. It'll probably be on the wires by late tonight.
I've got to get all that done and hit the sack early. I've got an interview with Randy Moss early tomorrow.
Y'all have a good evening. Oh yea....I love you Honey. I'll be home before you know it.
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