But I made it. I walked in the hotel, and found Randy Moss' press agent. I had talked to him last night (on my Tracphone), and he was looking for me. His name is Martravius D'Antre Jackson, but he told me to just call him "Pookie." I took a picture of him and some of Randys' "crew" with my new computer camera.
Martravius D'Antre (Pookie) Jackson, and Randy Moss' "crew"
So we go on back to a little bitty room, and Randy Moss is already back there. I swear, that man is impressively tall and (let me get my word book...) menacing looking. He looks tall and menacing on TV, but in person...I just can't describe it good. When that man shook my hand, his hand wrapped twice around mine. He didn't double-knee me like Eli did. His handshake was firm, yet sensitive (I guess that's why he can catch footballs so good).
Pookie introduced us (I think that was what he was doing), and we sat down for an interview. I'll write this all up later for the RP, but I thought I would just put the whole text of the interview on the computer for now.
Me: Randy Moss! Thank you for giving me your valuable time. I know you've got alot going on.
Randy: Yo welcome. But I not busy. The team busy, but I don't screw with (expletive deleted) like practice.
Me: So Randy, on the flight from New England did you get to sit in "First Class" with Brady, or did you have to sit on the back of the bus with the other black guys?
Randy: What?
Me: I was just curious. I mean, Eli Manning was in first class while all the black guys he plays with were in coach.
Randy: Thinkin it down, I did get shoved back there with my padhnus. Them (expletive deleted) airplanes don't have enough leg room for (expletive deleted) football stars like me!
Me: So do you think there may have been a racial motivation behind it?
Randy: I don't know. (Yelling now) Pookie! Did there a racial motor in that?
Pookie: True!
Randy: True! (expletive deleted) I will deal with corch Bill on it later (sneering).
Me: So Randy, was the flight from New England to Phoenix okay? I know that Eli Manning flew "First Class," and had all the chicken and root beer he could hold.
Randy: (expletive deleted) no! (expletive deleted), we learned a long time back to bring our own food on the plane.
Me: So, what do you black guys bring to eat at the back of the airplane?
Randy: Chicken, Honey Buns, Purple Kool-Aid, and Watermelon. (Yelling now) Pookie, dat what?
Pookie: True!
Me: Okay, so let's talk about you personally. I hear you had a pretty tough time growing up, and had trouble with the law as a kid in West Virginia.
Randy: Tough on me?...naw. I had it better than mos. Yea, I was po and didn't know my Daddy much, but I big enough to whip dudes down.
Me: You're a man of few words Randy...
Randy: True!
Randy: (continuing) It tough bein in jail, and dissed by Notre Dame, and that Bowden clown down in Florida, and endin up at Marshall. I mean "Thundering Herd"...what the (expletive deleted) is that?
But they have fabulous academic programs at Marshall, and I assumed that if my hopes for a career in the National Football League didn't materialize, I would be able to do very well in the professional world (smiling broadly).
Me: Randy, you have had controversy dog you in your pro career. The Vikings, the Raiders. You're sort of known as a "problem child" around the league. How do you answer those criticisms?
Randy: (yelling) Pookie, how we say?
Pookie: (yelling loudly) True!
Randy: True!
Me: So Randy, what's up with the hair? Is the Michael Jordan black guy look a thing of the past? Is your hair Dr. J love?
Randy: True! I sick of slick-head black dudes in sports. Peoples don't know, but I in a big movement to discriminate steaming black guy heads from the NFL. We not broadcrasting it public, but we sick of that fliction. I know Doctor King is proud. I think he gettin involved in this with us soon.
Me: True!
Me: So Randy, you've achieved great success in the NFL. You've set records. You're the go-to guy for Tom Brady. How long have you been taking steroid pills?
Randy: Since back at Marshall.
Me: How many of your Patriot teammates take steroid pills?
Randy: Fo or fi.
Randy: (continuing) By the way, they aren't steroid pills. Steroids are taken by hypodermic injection. (smiling broadly)
Me: Yes, Eli Manning told me the same thing.
Randy: Yea, Eli down wid us on it.
Me: Really?
Randy: True!
Me: So, are you worried that Congress will call you up to testify?
Randy: (expletive deleted) no! Congress only call up white boys, or spics to tesufy about steroids. If they call me, I'll get Doctor King to protest.
Me: To the Super Bowl game - Eli Manning is out there guaranteeing that the Giants will almost beat you guys again like they did in the final game of the regular season. What do you say to that?
Randy: (expletive deleted) the Giants don't stand a chance to almost beat us again. (expletive deleted) I'm gonna pull a Naman, and guarantee that the Giants will not almost beat us again.
Me: Anything further to add?
Randy: Yea, Corch got that (expletive deleted) quote from your article wrote up on the walls in the locker room, trying to make a point. But we all know that it only talk. Eli might take steroids, but we got the source of steroids. Tom T Brady. And the T is for "transfusion." (smiling very broadly).
Me: Well Randy, thanks for your time. I know you are busy and appreciate you for taking the time to visit with Rednecks everywhere. Oh, before I go, why don't black people like NASCAR?
Randy: (yelling) Pookie, how we say?
Pookie: (not fit for print)
Well, I finally got the evidence I need! I'm gonna blow the lid off steroid pill usage in the NFL. Harmon's boss-man is gonna be glad he give me this job!
Pookie introduced us (I think that was what he was doing), and we sat down for an interview. I'll write this all up later for the RP, but I thought I would just put the whole text of the interview on the computer for now.
Me: Randy Moss! Thank you for giving me your valuable time. I know you've got alot going on.
Randy: Yo welcome. But I not busy. The team busy, but I don't screw with (expletive deleted) like practice.
Me: So Randy, on the flight from New England did you get to sit in "First Class" with Brady, or did you have to sit on the back of the bus with the other black guys?
Randy: What?
Me: I was just curious. I mean, Eli Manning was in first class while all the black guys he plays with were in coach.
Randy: Thinkin it down, I did get shoved back there with my padhnus. Them (expletive deleted) airplanes don't have enough leg room for (expletive deleted) football stars like me!
Me: So do you think there may have been a racial motivation behind it?
Randy: I don't know. (Yelling now) Pookie! Did there a racial motor in that?
Pookie: True!
Randy: True! (expletive deleted) I will deal with corch Bill on it later (sneering).
Me: So Randy, was the flight from New England to Phoenix okay? I know that Eli Manning flew "First Class," and had all the chicken and root beer he could hold.
Randy: (expletive deleted) no! (expletive deleted), we learned a long time back to bring our own food on the plane.
Me: So, what do you black guys bring to eat at the back of the airplane?
Randy: Chicken, Honey Buns, Purple Kool-Aid, and Watermelon. (Yelling now) Pookie, dat what?
Pookie: True!
Me: Okay, so let's talk about you personally. I hear you had a pretty tough time growing up, and had trouble with the law as a kid in West Virginia.
Randy: Tough on me?...naw. I had it better than mos. Yea, I was po and didn't know my Daddy much, but I big enough to whip dudes down.
Me: You're a man of few words Randy...
Randy: True!
Randy: (continuing) It tough bein in jail, and dissed by Notre Dame, and that Bowden clown down in Florida, and endin up at Marshall. I mean "Thundering Herd"...what the (expletive deleted) is that?
But they have fabulous academic programs at Marshall, and I assumed that if my hopes for a career in the National Football League didn't materialize, I would be able to do very well in the professional world (smiling broadly).
Me: Randy, you have had controversy dog you in your pro career. The Vikings, the Raiders. You're sort of known as a "problem child" around the league. How do you answer those criticisms?
Randy: (yelling) Pookie, how we say?
Pookie: (yelling loudly) True!
Randy: True!
Me: So Randy, what's up with the hair? Is the Michael Jordan black guy look a thing of the past? Is your hair Dr. J love?
Randy: True! I sick of slick-head black dudes in sports. Peoples don't know, but I in a big movement to discriminate steaming black guy heads from the NFL. We not broadcrasting it public, but we sick of that fliction. I know Doctor King is proud. I think he gettin involved in this with us soon.
Me: True!
Me: So Randy, you've achieved great success in the NFL. You've set records. You're the go-to guy for Tom Brady. How long have you been taking steroid pills?
Randy: Since back at Marshall.
Me: How many of your Patriot teammates take steroid pills?
Randy: Fo or fi.
Randy: (continuing) By the way, they aren't steroid pills. Steroids are taken by hypodermic injection. (smiling broadly)
Me: Yes, Eli Manning told me the same thing.
Randy: Yea, Eli down wid us on it.
Me: Really?
Randy: True!
Me: So, are you worried that Congress will call you up to testify?
Randy: (expletive deleted) no! Congress only call up white boys, or spics to tesufy about steroids. If they call me, I'll get Doctor King to protest.
Me: To the Super Bowl game - Eli Manning is out there guaranteeing that the Giants will almost beat you guys again like they did in the final game of the regular season. What do you say to that?
Randy: (expletive deleted) the Giants don't stand a chance to almost beat us again. (expletive deleted) I'm gonna pull a Naman, and guarantee that the Giants will not almost beat us again.
Me: Anything further to add?
Randy: Yea, Corch got that (expletive deleted) quote from your article wrote up on the walls in the locker room, trying to make a point. But we all know that it only talk. Eli might take steroids, but we got the source of steroids. Tom T Brady. And the T is for "transfusion." (smiling very broadly).
Me: Well Randy, thanks for your time. I know you are busy and appreciate you for taking the time to visit with Rednecks everywhere. Oh, before I go, why don't black people like NASCAR?
Randy: (yelling) Pookie, how we say?
Pookie: (not fit for print)
Well, I finally got the evidence I need! I'm gonna blow the lid off steroid pill usage in the NFL. Harmon's boss-man is gonna be glad he give me this job!
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