WHY I HATE OHIO STATE!

Why I hate- Ohio State...hey, that rimes.

"Hate" is a strong word for sure. Being Christian, I don't really hate anybody (much). But as an LSU fan, I'm obliged to hate Ohio State, or whoever LSU happens to be playing next. It's a rule. Ohio State just happens to be the next miserable, good for nothing, low-down, worthless, brain-dead, dirt-lickin', sorry excuse for a football team that my beloved LSU Tigers play.

I have to hate em. It's a rule. I only let myself "hate" about 13 or 14 times a year...whenever LSU has a football game. I don't let myself hate over basketball games, or baseball games, or track meets and such...if I did that I'd stay just stewed up all the time...that'll cut your life short you know.

LSU fans don't just dislike the other team...we hate em. I got this one Redneck buddy that welded one of them license plate holders on the back of his pickup. He's got a different license plate for every miserable team LSU plays saying "We hate Bama, or Tennessee," and on and on. He can swap 'em out from week to week. When I get my truck back runnin' I'm gonna get me one of them.

I got this other Redneck buddy that goes down to Walmart (Redneck Heaven, as I call it) at the beginning of every football season and buys 4 packages of brand new white t-shirts. That way he can take a magic marker and write on 'em how much he hates whoever LSU is playing the next Saturday. Boy, his wife sure is glad when the game finally gets played...you know, that shirt gets a might rank after a week. And it really sort of pushes things to the edge when we get a bowl game...I mean, he's been wearin that "I Hate Ohio State" t-shirt (that's what it says on the front...I won't repeat what it says on the back) for over a month now. If this game don't get played soon there might just be a divorce (or a shooting).

What the heck is a Buckeye anyway?

OOOOOhhhhhh! I'm Scared! I'm a-shakin'!
Yep, that really is a buckeye...


Now, that's what I'm talkin' about!
So the big game is Monday night. I pity them poor fools that paid a couple thousand dollars to go down there to the Dome and look at it. I mean, it's one thing to pay that kind of money to watch LSU...but then they gotta sit there and look at that miserable Ohio State bunch. I mean, even the half-time is gonna stink. Even Ohio State's band stinks...their majorettes can't hold a baton, and their cheerleaders are ugly...I mean ugly as a James Brown family reunion. I know Ohio State is gonna run that big fat tuba player out there to "dot the "I." (YAWN)

That ain't gonna be the only eye that gets dotted...if you know what I mean.