ALMOST LOST IT...

Have you ever peed yourself, and let go a dump while standing in line at the grocery store? Well, I came awfully close to that today.

I was at the Super I Grocery store standing in line to check out. The guy in the line ahead of me is a fellow we've all seen before. He's about 6' 2" tall 150 pounds, wearing corduroy pants, a sweater with the elbow patches on, and sandals (it's 40 degrees outside mind you). He's got these creepy glasses with 3/4" tall lenses that are about 4 inches wide.

His cart is filled with fresh vegetables, fruit, and a case of Perrier. And (believe it or not) he's brought his own cloth shopping bags to carry his junk home.

So, I'm standing in line while this really cute little black check-out gal that I really like (I have told y'all about her before) is ringing up his stuff. Well, everything goes fine until she gets to his little block of tofu. The tofu would not scan. She's trying to scan it over and over, but nothing. So, she punches in the long code numbers, and...nothing.

This dude tells her, "It is $2.59...just put in $2.59." But nope, my girl is not believing Poindexter, so she calls for a "price check." Now, this really aggravates Earth-man, and he is obviously upset. So, here comes one of the stock boys, and she hands this package of tofu to him to run back and get a price check. You can tell that Canvas-boy is highly offended, and he keeps telling her, "It's $2.59...just put in $2.59" as he begins loading up his cloth sacks.

Well, we're all waiting, and the stock boy comes back shaking his head. He and Mary (not her real name, as to not get her in trouble) talk about it, and puzzle over it. So Mary finally gets on the loudspeaker, and asks for a manager. By this time, Mr. liberal poster-child is just incensed.

"Never mind," he says. "Just forget it!" His face is all red and his voice is kinda trembling. "I don't want the damn tofu!"

Then my cashier buddy-girl looks at him and says calmly, "I don't blame you one bit darlin'. Evidently nobody else does either. Hell, we don't even know what this shit is!"