I HATE DR. PHIL...

Well, I really don't hate Dr. Phil. "Hate" is a strong emotion that is only reserved for the opponents of LSU. And I really don't think that Dr. Phil is gonna play LSU any time soon...so I don't hate him.

I just wish he would shut up.

So, I'm walking through the bedroom, and The Mrs. has just turned on the miserable television. Lo and behold, Dr. Phil's television program is just coming on the cable. This is just about how it went:

Dr. Phil: "So, your amazingly hot nights of sex have have turned into nights in flannel pj's lying side by side watching the tube. So, what's the problem? What happened to your sex life?"

Me: Turn that off!

The Mrs. : Yeah, pay no attention to the bald headed man on the TV!

Me: Bwahahahahahaha! Turn the darned thing off.

The Mrs. : Don't tell me what to do.

Me: Yes ma'am.

So, time rocks along and I have to go do something important...like billing customers...you know, the kinda stuff that keeps groceries in the 'frig.

Then I walk back through the bedroom, and Dr. Phil is interviewing some dude that looks like Benny Hinn. He's some kind of a sex expert that can tell you how to drop the flannel pjs. Obviously he is...or he wouldn't be on Dr. Phil's miserable TV show.

So, I'm walking through there and he's talking to Dr. Phil...with 5 tips posted up on the TV as to how to reignite your sex life. Number 1 is something like "originality." So, Benny says, "Originality doesn't actually mean pornography. You don't need to rent an X-rated video, or view pornography together. What you need to do is 'explore the erogenous zones in the mind of your partner'."

The erogenous zones in the mind of your partner??????

I don't know a nice, family friendly way to say what I thought...just use your imagination. It kinda reminded me of a computer letter I got a while back. It was one of those pretty funny deals that you store in the back of your mind...

Paraphrased: Three year old little Johnny's Momma had been working with Johnny on learning his body parts. He was catching on pretty good. Well, little Johnny was taking a bath and playing with his tinkler (like all 3 year olds do). While he was at it, he found that little squishy sack thing up underneath. As Johnny's Momma came back in the bathroom to get him dried off and ready for bed, Johnny stood up and pulled the little sack around front and asked, "Mommy...are these my brains?"

Johnny's Momma (obviously a real woman) said, "Not yet!"

THE EROGENOUS ZONES IN THE MIND OF YOUR PARTNER???

I hate Dr. Phil...