IF I GET ONE MORE COMPUTER LETTER...

...telling me how I just don't "understand" pit bulls...I will find you. And I will kill you!

No, I really wouldn't do that...

If you maintain a blog, let me give you some friendly advice. If you want huge traffic to your blog, just use the words "chimpanzee," and "pit bulls" in every appropriate sentence. More friendly advice...If you don't want to be deluged with moronic computer letters, never use the words "chimpanzee," or "pit bulls" in a post.

Of all the 840 posts I have made, my post about Chimp Haven in Shreveport has generated the most comments, and computer letters. I can tell you for sure that none of those comments have been less than favorable. It's amazing to me how many folks follow chimpanzees on the computer, and they are all just as decent and nice as can be.

Equally amazing to me is how many folks get their nuts in a knot over my complete disgust with pit bulls. Okay...I've been working all day, and I finally I get a chance to sit down to check on computer stuff...and my mailbox is jammed full of retarded computer letters (again) ragging on me because I just "don't understand" their demonic, worthless, future murdering pit bulls.

It would be funny if it wasn't so sad. "Ruffy is the best friend I have," or "Yo cracker, you got no ideal whats like live in the hood...we needs pittbuls for protrection," or "Breakie is just as sweet as any human you'll ever meet! In fact, I prefer her to humans. Humans bite!" Retarded!

I don't know what kind of slow brain sees anything attractive in a breed of dog that is known to regularly kill their owners, their owner's neighbors, their owner's letter carrier, their owner's trash collector, the kids just walking down the street minding their own business "in the hood," or their owner's children and grandchildren.

If I get one more computer letter trying to convince me that I'm wrong about pit bulls...I will sell my house, sell my business, sell my youngest child, cash in my bank account...and use all of those funds to find you. I won't kill you. It ain't Christian to kill somebody just because they're retarded. I will just bring along some pit bulls, paint your face up like a two-year-old, and turn them loose on you. Maybe Breakie will protrect you.

And while I'm at it...I am sick and dadgummed tired of people that object to my use of the word "retarded." Y'all are almost as retarded as pit bull owners. Maybe you don't know the American language good...but the word "retarded" has a definition. It comes from the root word "retard," which means to slow something down (like your brains, or something). Thusfore, "retarded" means that something has slowed you up in your natural physical, or mental development. Man, what a stupid, retarded bunch of pit bull chimpanzees I gotta deal with...

It gets pretty frustrating when you've got to explain everything to everybody!!!

And dadgummit! I just realized that tomorrow is Sunday...I'm gonna have to go repent, and pray this through...

I'm thinking that I need to quit mentioning retards, and pit bulls if I want to keep my Christianity...