IF I'M LYIN', I'M DYIN'....#37

Soda run...

I had to get a haircut on Thursday morning, and found myself not too far from WalMart after I had been shor 'nuf shorn..."peeled" might be a better description. So, I thought to myself that I'd run on up to WalMart to get some 2 liter Sam's Diet Colas.

They are 78 cents each, and every bit as good as stuff twice as high. Ooooohhhh, they were on sale when I got there for 58 cents, so I bought some extras. I just do not know how old Sam does it! (I hope it ain't Chink soda). Regardless, I had skipped breakfast, and I was hungry. The WalMart deli sells those really good fried potato logs that I am jealously fond of. So, I decided to grab a double order.

They were busy at the Deli! They had two ladies working behind the counter, and I was standing in one of the lines. While I was standing there I noticed a sign that read, "100 Piece Chicken, only $58.98." Did you know that WalMart sells a "100 Piece Chicken" order? Well, they do!

I'm thinking, "Is that a DEAL, or WHAT?" I was doing some division in my head and figured that's like something under 60 cents per piece. I'm assuming that is fried, not raw chicken...so once again, I just don't know how old Sam does it. But as I pondered that I began to wonder...

1) How do you really KNOW there's 100 pieces in a "100 piece chicken?" I mean, if you order a 100 piece chicken, are you really gonna stand there and count out each thigh, breast, wing, and leg to make sure you ain't getting screwed?

B) If you later discover that there were...say...only 97 pieces...what recourse do you have? I mean, how ignorant would it be to haul your cookies all the way back to The WalMart, and make the Deli lady count them all out just to get 3 more at no charge?

And how would you PROVE that you didn't just get hungry in the truck and polish off a few? Huh? Huh? These are questions that MUST be answered.

3) Does one of the Deli ladies REALLY stand there and keep count of every piece of chicken she puts in that big old box? I mean, is this "100 Piece Chicken Deal" really more like a "we're gonna fill up a big cardboard box with chicken, and when we can't stuff another wing in there it's close enough" thing?

These kind of things bother me.

D) And then finally, I was wondering, "Who in the world buys 100 pieces of fried chicken???" Well, it came my turn to order, and while the nice Deli lady was getting my fried potato logs, I found out. The lady in the line next to mine stepped up to the counter and said, "Errrr uh...I want a 100 piece chicken."

Now, this is not her. This is just a picture I stole off of the world wide computer. But it's pretty danged close! Her hair was not red, but everything else is spot on.





So, the Deli lady says, "Yes ma'am. When would you like to pick it up?" Reply: "Right Now!"

So, the Deli lady begins to explain that it takes a while to put together a "100 Piece Chicken" order, and she's gonna have to come back later on. Then the lovely young customer says, "You got a bunch of chicken already behind that counter. Go ahead on and give me all that, and I'll come on back later to get the rest."

The nice Deli lady says, "I'm sorry ma'am, but that's not the way it works. We've got to make a 100 Piece Chicken order special. If I give you all this chicken, then nobody else in the line behind you will be able to get any for a while...and that's against company Deli policy."

This did not sit well with the young lady customer. She begins to explain that she's got other things to do, and how Uncle Peaches (who can't "walk no mo"), and the kids is waiting in the car, screaming for something to eat, and might die of hunger, etc.

If I actually reported to you the entire conversation between these two ladies, I would leave the impression that I am a racist. Of course, I am not (I am prejudiced, but I ain't a racist). I just think it's stinkin' hilarious when two black females get into a smackdown! I'm sorry, I can't help it! It's a character flaw...or a human weakness...or maybe it's just so danged funny that no human could find it otherwise. Not sure.

Truthfully, I don't know how it all ended because the Deli lady running my line handed me my fried potato logs, and I moved on. I did stop to watch for a while, but the whole thing escalated into rather LOUD junk, and honestly I got kinda frightened to be in the vicinity...what with the Deli lady having knives back there and all.

And truthfully, I don't even know why I posted this. So, don't bother to thank me.

Well, I gotta go! My good cousin Walt, and his foxy wife are visiting from out of town. Me, and The Mrs. are gonna meet them at The Superior Grill in Shreveport in just a little while for some of their world famous Fajitas, and good fellowship. I think I'll order the shrimp kind of Fajitas (since I don't eat beef, or chicken). And maybe a Coors Light. It's hot as the bad place, and I ain't had a Coors in years.

But maybe I won't. I probably will. Maybe. These kinds of things really stump me...