NEWSPAPERS...

Because I have my 4th new mail carrier this month, I received a subscription copy of the Bossier Press-Tribune that was addressed to some guy two streets over from me.

I was SHOCKED! I really had no idea that the Bossier Press-Tribune was still publishing.

Back when I was in High School, I was an aspiring journalist. I had seen "All The President's Men" on the big screen, and I bore a striking resemblance to Robert Redford btw. I was inspired to become a newspaperman. (Not the newspaperman that threw the newspaper from his '69 Ford station wagon on your driveway...I mean one of those guys that actually digs out the facts of the matter, types them all up, and heaves great sighs of satisfaction when his work hits the front page next morning...exposing all of the putrid corruption in this world).

The Summer before my Senior year in High School, I took my shot!!! I drove down to the Bossier Press-Tribune office on Barksdale Boulevard, and announced to the Editor that I would be more than happy to work for him. I was 16 years old, and I just knew he would be impressed! I already had a Summer job working at my Daddy's s Appliance & TV Store. But I figured I could squeeze in some time to blow the lid off of all the corruption, illegal gambling, drug dealing, and misuse of employees at the Library in Bossier City.

Well, it went REALLY GOOD! The Editor told me to go out, investigate things, and submit my stories all typed up (double spaced). He told me that for any article they published, I would receive a hefty check. I don't remember whether it was One, or Two Cents per word. But it sounded pretty good to me.

I made a whole $12.43 that Summer as a correspondent for the Bossier Press-Tribune. I guess it must have been One Cent per word...if it had been Two Cents, it would have been an "even" amount. But maybe not...I think they probably took out taxes, so who knows...

Anyway...I got a misdelivered copy of the Bossier Press-Tribune, and I'll swear, Nuthin' ain't changed! It is still cheesy "the Methodist Church ladies did good stuff for their Sunday School project," and "Bossier All Stars Win 'Machine Pitch World Series' at Minden," etc.

I was blasting back from the past while looking at this week's edition.

The "Classifieds" aren't even much different. In the "Classified ads" I see "Bengal kittens, & grown Cats free to good home"..."Cash for junk cars, free haul-off of old junk appliances"..."Free to good home: 1 year old 1/2 yellow lab, 1/2 German Shepherd. All shots, neutered. Very good with children. Needs fenced back yard."

(Hey! I might call that number...that sounds like a smart dog to me...might teach my stupid pure blood yellow lab Sadie a thing or two.)

But I think this was my favorite classified ad in the paper.

There ya' go! Always be willing to trade your camper, vehicle, and boat for cattle! (But y'all don't call him until after 5 pm, okay?)

Anyway, let me get to the point of this post...sorry for keeping y'all so long. In the Bossier Press-Tribune, one of the 12 pages of this weekly publication is completely occupied by an advertisement. (That's what we call a 'full page ad' in the newspaper biz) I can not show it to y'all, because my flatbed scanner will only hold up to an 8 1/2 x 11. So let me tell y'all what it says.

At the top, it says, in HUGE letters, "AMERICA'S FIRST PORTABLE INFORMATION DEVICE."

Then beneath that, it's got a picture of a man's hand holding a newspaper.

Then at the bottom it says, (and I am typing this verbatim) "The newspaper, yes the newspaper, is still America's best portable information device. In these complex times, newspaper newsrooms continue to produce the most trusted journalism available anywhere, thanks to teams of dedicated, professional reporters ane editors. That's why more than 100 million Americans pick up a newspaper every day. So impress your family, friends and co-workers by enjoying the most portable, easy-to-use information device available anywhere. No charger required.

Well, at the very bottom of this full page ad, there is a computer address to something called "Newspaperproject.org." I went and looked at their stuff, and I am impressed! It tells all about how newspapers are "very relevant," and how valuable they are, and junk.

Well, they might be right.

If one of my sons had been one of the Bossier All-Stars that was on the team that won the "Machine Pitch World Series" over at Minden, or one of my close relatives or friends was in the Obits, I'd probably buy up every copy.

Well, thanks for reading! I hope this don't sound arrogant...but I have a sneaking suspicion that more folks read this than the "Classified ad" for the free German Shepherd/lab neutered dog. I sure hope so...I've got a phone call to make...