Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Doctor is in...and he has given his diagnosis...

Okay, it seems that I am never going to recover from whatever ails me here.  So, I decided to go consult Dr. Internet.  And, he knows everything.  So, I entered into the GoobleSearch every symptom that I have and can not shake.

It's official.  I definitely, absolutely have Hepatitis B.  It has been 11 full days since I took my first shot of the demonic Hepatitis B vaccine, and obviously it worked.  Because I am sure that I have a full-blown case of it.

Right here is what Hepatitis B gives you:  (My words added are in yellow)

What are the symptoms of hepatitis B?

Hepatitis B usually has no symptoms. Really?  Glad to know that!  Adults and children ages 5 and older sometimes have one or more of the following symptoms:
  • yellowish eyes and skin, called jaundice
  • Naw!  Heck, my eyeballs, toenails, and ear lobes look like some yellow a homo would paint his bedroom with.
  • a longer than usual amount of time for bleeding to stop
  • I cut myself with my electric razor a week ago, and still require a tourniquet around my neck.
  • swollen stomach or ankles
  • I look like a pregnant Richard Nixon.
  • easy bruising
  • Don't even go there...
  • tiredness
  • No, not me!  I am just a dadgone bundle of atomic energy!
  • upset stomach
  • Don't even go there...
  • fever
  • Yep!
  • loss of appetite
  • Yep!
  • diarrhea
  • Yep, Yep, Yep!
  • light-colored stools
  • Well, duh!
  • dark yellow urine
  • My tinkle looks like a pitcher of Lipton Cold Brew that  got left too long because one of the boys forgot to squeeze the bags out with the wooden spoon.

So, I'm pretty sure I've got Hep B. Those vaccination folks did a REAL good job!!!

The only consolation I have is this from Doctor Internet:

The illness lasts for a few weeks and then gradually improves in most affected people. A few patients may have more severe liver disease (fulminant hepatic failure), and may die as a result of it.


  1. My bedroom is pale yellow. The paint said some kind of 'vanilla' something or other, blame Home Depot.
    Sorry you're sick, hope you get better soon.

  2. Jim, most of our house is painted in a pale yellow. The paint can said "linen."

    But, my jaundice is about twelve shades more mustard than the paint on my walls. It's kinda like Hepatitis B Yeller. It's kinda like what the boys' diapers looked like when we changed 'em back in those days.

    And, I'm not talking about up in the front...I'm talking about that backside after they had eaten squash and carrots beforehand.

  3. Andy: Did Dr. Internet say anything about how best to treat Hep B, or if any kind of treatment is possible at all? Don't mess around with this stuff. The sun's still high in the sky and it's way too early for a dirt nap.

  4. You're in luck, Andy. Since you've been stricken with Hep B here's a business opportunity for you: http://www.biolynk.com/hep-b_landing.html.

    My finder's fee is only 20%.

  5. Nyuk! That's a pretty good part time income just for being near death, huh?

    I'm pretty sure I've just got the vaccination type that will eventually subside. It's weird. One day I'm better, and the next, back down. I'll get over it.

    The good part is that I've only got two and a half weeks until I take shot #2 in the series! Yippee!

  6. Hep can be fatal. I know from whence I speak, having attended junior high in the '50s. There are STILL hep-zombies walking around today... dead but not acknowledging it. You can pick the males out in a crowd by their long sideburns, pompadour haircuts, and protruding guts; the female varieties tend to wear tee shirts with some sorta "Elvis" thing on 'em and weird sunglasses.

    Be careful out there.

  7. Why don't you be one of those guys who doesn't die from it, okay? And be sure to report your symptoms before taking the next round. Today would be an opportune time. Like, Now.

    I had HepA a number of years ago, and there were moments when I would have preferred death. Sorta.

  8. Buck: Nyuk! Yeah, you iz from that generation.

    Moogie: I fully intend to report this elongated reaction to my nurse gal-friend that injected me with it before I take the second round. (Me and her got pretty friendly before she tried to kill me).

    I might ask her to draw some blood, and see if something's wrong with ME, and maybe causing this reaction. I'm definitely not taking round two without somebody looking further in to it. I mean, it is a horse-spittle I'm working for, for cryin' out loud!

  9. Is there any real difference between the kind of Hep B you contract from the vaccine and the Hep B you might pick up from swapping spit with your horse-spittle colleagues? I mean are those vaccine Hep B viruses that have made you ill with every significant Hep B symptom holding back in some way? I really don't know, but I'm worried about you so don't assume you have some kind of wimpy, lame vaccine Hep B variety. Get it checked out as soon as you can.


Don't cuss nobody out, okay?