Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The Evil Corporate Bastids at Foster Grant stole my idea!

Hey y'all!  Hugs, kisses, yada yada yada...

Look, I rarely ever look at TV, but last night I packed it in early, and was looking at an episode of Law & Order SUV while I was in bed (it was okay).  But, my clams really got steamed when a commercial came on which advertised "Foster Grant LightSpecs."  

Man, did I EVER get a full-blown case of the reds!  Those folks stolden my idea!

Some of y'all might remember that The Mrs. gave me the best gift ever at Christmas 2011, a "Twist-A-Light," which I have enjoyed immensely.

So, here I am last night lying in bed, watching the evil corporate bastids hawking something I came up with.


So, lets us just decide whether me or them has the better idea, okay?

First off, their knock-off of my idea has a set spot where the light will shine.

That sucks.

As you can see from this photo, my Twist-A-Light can spotlight two different things at once.  Let's just say that I was deep in to reading a very interesting W-2, and some intruder busted in to my office.  I would easily be able to twist one of the lights right straight in to his eyes...blind him...overpower him with my massive arms, shoulders, fists of steel, and still find out how much the gubmit is gonna screw me out of!

I can multi-task.

Just sayin'...

I mean...I can detach my Twist-A-Light from my reading glasses, and twist it up and around in to places that their sucky LightSpecs can not go.  Which means that even in situations where I do not need reading glasses, my Twist-A-Light is still useful.  Their knock-off, stolden idea of a product is limited in its usage.

Just sayin'...

Then besides all that, with my idea, I can swap out reading glasses as my vision deteriorates.  Heck, I'm only using a 1.5 now.  But the way things are going, I'll likely need a 2.0, or 2.5 pretty soon.

To further my argument, one must always consider financial concerns.

According to their computer page, the LightSpecs cost 25 bucks.  Robbery!!!  Full-faced holdup, if you ask me.

I purchase my reading glasses at Ellis Pottery, or The Dollar Tree for ONE AMERICAN DOLLAR (plus tax).  According to The Amazon, you can get a Twist-A-Light for $11.46.

And, it's pink, too!

Way better price than those ugly specs they're selling at Friggin' Foster Grant (the idea stealers).

Just sayin'...

And, I took the time to read some customer reviews of the LightSpecs.  Sure, everybody just LOVES how they work (I'm pretty sure they gave free pairs for people to rave about 'em).  

But, a few honest souls have talked about the cost of maintenance.

This is a very important thing to us cheapskates.  

It seems that the little battery for those Foster Grant knock-offs of my idea can run as much as 5 bucks!  Really.  5 BUCKS FOR A FRIGGIN' BATTERY???

My trusty Twist-A-Light uses one AA (about $5 for a pack of 20 at The Dollar General).

So, it's obvious that I am a genius, and that Foster Grant sucks.

That is all.

(Man...I can't wait to look at The Sitemeter to see what The Gooble does with this ridiculous waste of  bandwidth!)


  1. The one thing that you did not mention is that you can use part of your light to illuminate your back, while wearing your glasses and looking in the mirror. This is a huge plus for all the Italians to shave their backs.

    Just saying.

  2. My experience with corporate bastids is similar: My great-great-grandpa moved to the good ol' USA from Denmark. He brought with him some very fine European camera lenses. He built a little camera - this was back when cameras were generally big, bulky and awkward. He happened to bump into George Eastman, and showed him the camera. George asked how much to license the patent. G-G-Grandpa naively said "I don't patent my hobbies." Few months later Eastmam comes out with the "Kodak Vest Pocket Model" camera and gets rich. Bastid.

    Where our stories differ, though, is that my g-g-grandpa's invention doesn't make me look like an angler fish.

  3. Paul, I KNEW I left something out. You da man.

    Inno, after reading that, I'm glad Kodak is going broke. Bastids!!!

  4. Then besides all that, with my idea, I can swap out reading glasses as my vision deteriorates. Heck, I'm only using a 1.5 now.

    Hey! We're on the very same page where cheaters are concerned. That's prolly VERY good news fer ya, seein' as how I'm somewhat (we won't mention just HOW much whut is involved) older than you.

    Ya gotta take the good stuff where ya find it.

    No need to thank me.

  5. My cousin (The Louisiana cousin) had a pair of glasses with lights last summer while in Austin visitin'. We had lots of fun playing with them - course we'd been drinkin'.

  6. Sue! Sue! Sue!

    At least, then the world can come to appreciate the genius of The Lights.

  7. Mr. Andy, I saw your ad on the tevee for that there twisty light. And Mr. Mitchell's idea is a dang good one.

    But I ain't no I-talian, just a bald guy with some Irish and other stuff all mixed up, so I ain't got no hairy back. Howsomeever, since I started going bald I been having hair crop up and start growing in other places.

    One place in particular that's a problem is my ears. You heard that right. My ears got hair on top of 'em and in 'em which iffen I don't cut, will grow out to impossible lengths. But not quite enough for a combover.

    I tried shavin' 'em with lather and everything, but soon realized that was not a good idea.

    Anyways, your invention would be a godsend for me and my wife since it's so dark in there we can't see nothing atall when she trims them ears of mine.

    Which is just a little scary for me. (She uses a little old battery powered trimmer that sounds about like a chain saw when she fires it up.)

    So I'm sure you can see your twisty light will come in real handy when it comes time to cut that troublesome ear hair. And I don't need but one pair of them there readin' glasses to look at my 'puter while she trims. So that part's fine.

    But, my question to you Mr. Andy is, does that $19.99 price mean that I get two twisty lights like on the other TV ads? I mean I need two lights cause I got two ears.

  8. Dan, I have hair where I never had it before. Earsful of it!

    And nose hair...I swear, it's like a friggin' jungle. Get you one of them Twist-A-Light deals. You WILL NOT be sorry, because they are bitchin' good for multiple uses.

  9. You guys are absolutely Hilarious!!! Ok LOL you are mad funny.
    And who knows these Corporate Giants probably st---ole all of our ideas.
    Including mine!


Don't cuss nobody out, okay?