SO JUST HOW MUCH MONEY DOES COLUMBUS, OHIO OWE AL GROVER?

My #2 son lives in Columbus, Ohio. I talked to him yesterday and he is officially "snowed in," or "snowed under."

This article from the Columbus Dispatch chronicles the details: Columbus has received over 20 inches of snow in a "record snowfall."


Now, the boy has seen some snow in his lifetime. When we lived in Colorado we once had a 14" snow (in 24 hours). He was a kid, and just understood that it was gonna be alot of fun to play in...but his Daddy struggled just to clear the sidewalks and make a path for the car that Winter. A 14" snow is a real "snarler" even if you're set up to deal with it...but 20"...Shazzaam!

But I got to thinking about how much the City of Columbus is going to owe Al Grover. Ever since Al became "almost the next President of the United States," we have had to listen to him and his buddies in the press bloviate over and over about how warm the world is getting, and how we're in for a big old disaster behind it.

Al is a sharp businessman (though you wouldn't know it to listen to him). He has started selling "carbon offsets." That's where you can send Al some money to plant a tree if you ever use any energy, or drive a car, or pass gas. That way you can remain "carbon neutral," and do your part to save Al from having to plant all the trees himself.

Columbus is gonna owe Al a bunch of money when this thing is all over. Can you imagine how many gazillion kilowatt hours of electricity, and how many bazillion cubic feet of natural gas, and how many quatrillion gallons of home heating oil those folks in Columbus are using? I mean, none of them can go anywhere...they're all stuck at home trying to stay warm...I swear, I'll bet their "carbon footprint" looks like it was left by Sasquatch!

But, the Mayor of Columbus might make his case with Grover (y'all know, Al is the official arbiter of who owes what) that the fine should be "offset," seeing as nobody can drive anywhere (unless they're driving a snowplow). He can argue before "Big Al" that since nobody can drive, the "carbon footprint" has been reduced...maybe it's even "a wash."

I'm glad that Al set up this business of his. This is gonna keep us all safe from the planet getting too warm.

By the way, would anyone like to try to figure out how much money has been lost by the residents of Columbus, Ohio due to this storm? No wages...no commerce...wrecked vehicles... nothing except tow-trucks, plows, and motels (which are always fully anyway) are making a penny.

Oh wait...there is some commerce going on in Columbus today. Internet commerce! Thank God that Al had enough foresight to invent that thing!

Thanks Al, you're a heckuvaguy! You just keep on making sure that the planet is safe from "heating up." We owe you more than we can ever repay!