DEBIT CARDS...SPOOKY!

I have been having trouble with my debit card. Not just that there ain't much to debit...the card just doesn't want to work everywhere.

Now, I know that the widespread use of debit cards is gonna one day give "Big Brother" the upper hand on the population. He'll know where you shop, what you buy, what drugs you take, what movies you go watch...and on, and on.

But, I reckon I'm just like the rest of the "sheep." The convenience is just (let me get my word book...) irresistible.

"Baa, baa, baa!"

You know, those debit cards are really "spooky." I learned awhile back that the particular store you use it at knows you by your card, and the things that you buy from them. I'm sure that is true.

For instance, sometimes we shop for groceries at Super 1 when the truck ain't running good enough to get over to WalMart. And it seems like every time we do, the cash register will kick out a coupon for some competitive product to what we usually buy.

I buy Morningstar Farms garden burgers sometimes from Super 1. The other day I just ran in there for a few things, used my debit card (with great trouble making it work), and out pops a coupon for "Boca Burgers." It's happened before with buying a Diet Sprite, then out pops a coupon for Diet 7-Up. They know your buying habits by your card number. Those machines are smart...but I didn't know just how smart they are until yesterday.

I've been having trouble making my debit card work almost everywhere...except at the gas pumps. Heck, I think I could lay my debit card in the Sun for a month, smash it with a hammer, run it through a shredder, scotch tape it back together...and the gas pumps would take it.

Heck, I think I could take a little piece of cardboard and write my account number on it with a pencil, and the gas pumps would take it. The gas pumps are not particular at all! (That's probably why the oil companies are so profitable...they make it easy to buy).

Anyway, me and the Mrs. went to WalMart to do our "big grocery shopping" on Friday. When we checked out, once again my card just didn't want to read. I swiped it and swiped it...probably 5 or 6 times. Then the little gal cashier took my card and put it inside one of those plastic sacks. Then she swiped it through the machine inside the bag.

Success! I was out of there. The receipt rolled out of the little receipt printing deal, and we were done. But then another little paper came rolling out of there. The cashier looked at it and said, "Sir, I think this is for you." I figured it was a coupon, and just stuck it in my pocket with the receipt.

When I got home and sat down to write down the amount in my checkbook, I looked at that other paper. It said:

Dear Andy,

I appreciate your business, so don't get me wrong. But I have been wrestling with your debit card for months now, and frankly I'm tired of it. This is the last time I'm messing with it. When you come back to this store again, you bring cash, or a card I don't have to fight with.

You ignorant Redneck, there is a Capital One Bank branch right in the parking lot of this store. Walk across the parking lot, go in there, and get a replacement debit card. They make them up on the spot now for their customers.

This is nothing personal, it's just business.

Your Friend, Sam

Dang...Spooky...