Monday, July 26, 2010


Well, I reckon that I ought to be able to believe it, because I know it to be true for a fact.

I got in to a computer letter discussion with our Regular Contributor, and beloved friend, Dr. Jill today (we love her even if she is a Vol fan).  By the way, we are extremely proud, and happy for Dr. Jill behind her fabrulous news of being tagged to run a really big ol' projeck for her company.  You may now stand and applaud!

In said discussion, I mentioned that I would drop her a link from this Titanic of a blog to an extremely funny joke that I had posted before, that applied to our discussion, if I could find it.

Well, it seems that even though I have done a thorough search of this Titanic, (overturning every deck chair, looking through every crook and nanny, and even down into the fuel tanks and commodes) that I can not find this fabulous joke anywhere.  I thought about looking in the life rafts, but I got worn out and just decided to do my best to remember it real good, and write it out.  Then, I realized that I REALLY NEVER HAVE POSTED THIS JOKE, but I've written it out in many computer letters to my good friends in computer letters.

In computer letters.

Man...that was a long intro, huh?

So, this 85 year old man walks in to a Catholic Church...  

Wait a minute, I must give credit for this joke to my beloved Granddaddy Austin.  I have told y'all about him before.  He was the funniest man I ever knew.  I have about a gozillion stories stored up in my rapidly balding cranium that he told me.  He was a Tarheel, that grew up on a pig farm near Charlotte stinkin' North Carolina (just warming up for College Football season).  I'm pretty sure Granddaddy told me this story, but it could have been his baby brother, my beloved Uncle Ed (who is still living).  Not sure.  But, it was one of them.  Or, maybe it was somebody else.  Not sure.

Man...that was a long credit-giving dealie, huh?

So, this 85 year old man walks in to a Catholic Church... 

Wait a minute.  I need to give a disclaimer ahead of this.  I am not, nor have I ever been a member of the Roman Catholic Church.  And as far as I know my beloved Granddaddy Austin, or his baby brother Uncle Ed never were either (actually I'm not sure that either one of them told me this joke, so this may not matter.  But, it might.  Not sure)  So, if some of the terminology in this joke is wrong, or some of the Roman Catholic Church protocol seems to be broadly stepped on, or misused, please accept my apology up front, because I obviously don't know what I'm durrin' here.  When it comes to Roman Catholic stuff.   If you are a Roman Catholic.

Just sayin'...

Man...that was a long disclaimer for this Roman Catholic joke deal here, huh?

So, this 85 year old man walks in to a Catholic Church...

He makes his way to the confessional booth, and sits down.  Behind the screen the Priest sits, and the old man begins to speak.  "Bless me Father, for I have sinned."

The Priest says, "go on."

The 85 year old man says, "Father, I was driving down County Road 402 yesterday, and I saw a car broken down, and two young ladies trying to figure out how to change their flat tire.  They could not have been any older than 20, and I figured I'd better stop and help them.  I'm glad I did, because they didn't even know that there was a spare under the flatboard in the trunk, and obviously they would have never found the jack."

"So, I pulled the spare out, jacked the car up, and changed the tire.  When I got finished, the young ladies were very grateful, so they asked me to follow them to the Rainbow Motel so that they could show their gratitude.  I figured I'd better follow them to make sure the little spare tire would make it there.  

When we got to the Motel, they took me inside, undressed, and jumped me.  I had wild, passionate sex with both of them for most of the afternoon.  I realized I couldn't go home to my wife of 65 years with the scent of young women upon me.  So, I decided to take a shower.  While I was in there, both of them roused from their slumber, and joined me in the shower.  After a wild night of passionate sex with both of them, I finally managed to escape the Motel room about daybreak...leaving them both in a pool of sweat and ecstasy."

The Catholic Priest was somewhat shocked by it all, but held it together and told the old man, "This is a very serious sin.  You must say 15 Hail Marys, and put two hundred dollars in the poor box."

The old man thanked the Priest, and started to leave the Confessional Booth.  But, as he was leaving, the Priest stopped him.  He said, "Before you go, I need to ask you a question, my son.  I do not ever remember seeing you here before.  Are you new to this Parish?"

The old fellow replied, "Aw hell...I ain't a Catholic.  I'm just telling anybody that will listen."


  1. LOL! That old man sounds like something my Uncle Art would have done. He did love him the ladies!

    (And fwiw, the priest wouldn't have made a monetary stipulation as part of a penance.)

  2. Heh. I'd tell anyone who would listen too, and I'm 20 years younger.

  3. Good un'!:)

    And, thanks for the Kudos!

  4. Mrs. Who, thanks for clearing that up. Like I said...not Catholic, so writing in ignorance.


Don't cuss nobody out, okay?