Friday, August 10, 2012

I JUST HATE ME A THIEF!!!

.

Okay, so I'm off work today from my "day job," and while The Mrs., and I are working on our own biniss this morning, she says, "One of us is going to have to go to the grocery store."

Which means, "Andy, when we get finished working this morning, YOU need to go to the grocery store."  

Well...it doesn't mean that exactly, but she knows that I don't mind, and that when I "go," I come back with lots of good junk that she would not have bought, because she sticks to "the LIST."

So, I pipe up, "I'll be GLAD to go when we get finished."  She seemed pleased, and added, "Well, I've got a LIST for Kroger, but Sadie is almost out of food, and I know we like to buy her food at Walmart, because they're so much cheaper on dog food."  To which I replied, "Baby, I can go to The WalMart as easy as I can go to The Kroger!"

All I could think about was all the good junk I could look at (and purchase) while I was at The WalMart, as compared to The Kroger..

So, at roughly 1315 HRS, I haul my cookies over to OUR The WalMart, and grab me a shopping cart (I'm gonna be there for a while), and stick the LIST in the little fold-out-basket-thingy that we used to put the younguns in when their big ol' butts were still little enough to fit in.  The first thing on the LIST is "Hand Soap, refill size."  So, I head that way (the dog food is that direction, too, so Imma kill two birds with one rock).  I get to the soap aisle, and it's just loaded down with BIG The WalMart shoppers.  So, I think to myself, "Self...just leave your shopping cart here on the end cap in front of all of this hand sanitizer, and walk through the crowd to get the hand soap (refill size).

So, I did.

Well...The WalMart sells about 42 kinds of hand soap in refill size, so it took me a while to stand there (dodging other shoppers with full carts, and mean old fat women on electric motorcycles), and decide which of the 42 refill size bottles I wanted.  I finally figured it out, and swam my way upstream back to the end-cap where I had left my shopping cart.

You figured it...GONE!  The dang thing was nowhere to be found.  Some worthless POS that forgot to get their own shopping cart while coming in, just decided to STEAL mine.  I hate a thief...

Heck, it didn't matter so much.  I mean, The WalMart has about a bazillion of 'em, and I'm healthy enough to go get another one (even with a refill size hand soap in tow).  But, did I mention that I had put the LIST in the little fold-out-basket-thingy that we used to put the younguns in when their big ol' butts were still little enough to fit in?  

Yeah, I think I did.

Crud...I felt like John Travolta in "Grease."  Stranded at The Drive-In WalMart, Branded a Fool!!  What will The Mrs. say when I get home with  a bunch of really good junk, but only hand soap & dog food that were on the LIST?

But, I shook off the depression of it all, and remembered that I own a Phancy iPhone!  I can call her, and she can tell me what to purchase (besides the other good junk I plan to get that's not on the LIST.  One quick click, and I'm saying, "Call Pam."  And the phone rings...and rings...and rings...then goes to voicemail.  So, I try it again.  Ditto.  

Crud...

Turns out that she was on the phone with The Mrs.-In-Law...and it's a rule at Andy's Place that you don't rush off the phone when your Mama calls (you KNOW you ain't that busy).  

So, I'm stranded with no LIST.  I had only half-way looked at it when she handed it to me, so I had to stand there calling on every remaining living cell in my brain to bring up a pitcher of the LIST.  Okay...coffee, tortillas, limes, bread, coffee, hand soap, dog food, flour tortillas, spaghetti, sliced cheese, thin spaghetti, hand soap, dog food, Sam's Diet Cola, Sam's Diet Twist Up, thin spaghetti...other junk...

So, I called The Mrs. 

Again.

Crud...still on the phone with The Mrs.-in-Law...

Okay, this is a retarded blog post, but the short of it is that I got home with EVERYTHING that was on the LIST...except for eggs.

I hate a thief!  I hate me a thief!  Heck, if you're gonna steal a guy's shopping cart, at least be decent enough to remind him why he went to the store in the first place!

When I got back to Andy's Place, I was mentally exhausted...

18 comments:

  1. Dude, you know to get eggs every time you go to make groceries.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I know, TD...had a brain fart in all the depression of getting THE LIST ripped off by a thief.

      I actually stood there looking at the massive egg display case while I was picking up sliced cheese (it was cheap, too), thinking that maybe I oughta pick up some eggs...

      But, the synapses in my rapidly balding cranium didn't register "eggs" as having been on the LIST! After I got home, I remembered. Crud.

      Delete
  2. Senility has its blessings too - tomorrow you will say 'what trip to Walmart'?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Okay Jim, it's Sunday...If I hadn't written this post, I'm pretty sure I'd have forgotten about it by now.

      Delete
  3. Unrelated to the grocery topic, I thought this was funny:

    David Burge ‏@iowahawkblog

    Shock: Tyrann Matthieu kicked off LSU FB team for violating team rules; Bigger shock: LSU has team rules

    I'm guessing you find less humor in it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA! Kinda funny, Inno...unless you understand that Miles has kicked more than one premiere star off. He's got a deep squad, and is willing to give other guys a chance that "will" follow the rules.

      Usually.

      Delete
  4. You listed several reasons why I don't go to Wal-Mart. I hate that place. The ones here at least.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bill, I really like MY The WalMart (Shreve City)...

      But, they need better security.

      Delete
  5. You know that grate thangie that you cross over into the Wal-Mart store? Well, it erases the mind. Every time I go into WM, I have to call Toby and ask him, "Why am I here?"

    ReplyDelete
  6. And that's why I prefer shopping at Kroger instead of Walmart, even though things tend to be cheaper.

    But at least you didn't fill your cart full of stuff and get to checkout only to discover that you forgot to bring your wallet. (Yes, I did that. Twice.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dave, I have done that ONCE! Sigh...

      Delete
  7. Thieves should be shot. Twice. Three times, mebbe. Well, that might a lil harsh for shopping cart thieves, so mebbe they should have to round up carts in the parking lot and return 'em into the store for a day. That would be justifiable and harsh enough, considering yer weather.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I will point out one thing -- the WalMarks doesn't carry Kroger Sour Cream And Onion Potato Chips. Karma gotcha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Moogie, you have a face like an angel, and a memory like an elephant.

      Would you believe that The Kroger discontinued those chips when they went to their new packaging?!?!?!?!

      I was outraged, and told the store manager that they had made a big mistake. It took about 4 months, but I got 'em back in the store.

      Life is good.

      Delete
  9. I told you, dude, get the free Grocery IQ app or something similar for your phone. Both of you can add items, and both will see them if you link the accounts. But my detailed post about it was deleted. I'm not spamming you, just trying to help.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Every time I steal a shopping cart I am going to think of my friend Andy...and look over my shoulder to see if he is following me.

    ReplyDelete

Don't cuss nobody out, okay?