I JUST HATE ME A THIEF!!!

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Okay, so I'm off work today from my "day job," and while The Mrs., and I are working on our own biniss this morning, she says, "One of us is going to have to go to the grocery store."

Which means, "Andy, when we get finished working this morning, YOU need to go to the grocery store."  

Well...it doesn't mean that exactly, but she knows that I don't mind, and that when I "go," I come back with lots of good junk that she would not have bought, because she sticks to "the LIST."

So, I pipe up, "I'll be GLAD to go when we get finished."  She seemed pleased, and added, "Well, I've got a LIST for Kroger, but Sadie is almost out of food, and I know we like to buy her food at Walmart, because they're so much cheaper on dog food."  To which I replied, "Baby, I can go to The WalMart as easy as I can go to The Kroger!"

All I could think about was all the good junk I could look at (and purchase) while I was at The WalMart, as compared to The Kroger..

So, at roughly 1315 HRS, I haul my cookies over to OUR The WalMart, and grab me a shopping cart (I'm gonna be there for a while), and stick the LIST in the little fold-out-basket-thingy that we used to put the younguns in when their big ol' butts were still little enough to fit in.  The first thing on the LIST is "Hand Soap, refill size."  So, I head that way (the dog food is that direction, too, so Imma kill two birds with one rock).  I get to the soap aisle, and it's just loaded down with BIG The WalMart shoppers.  So, I think to myself, "Self...just leave your shopping cart here on the end cap in front of all of this hand sanitizer, and walk through the crowd to get the hand soap (refill size).

So, I did.

Well...The WalMart sells about 42 kinds of hand soap in refill size, so it took me a while to stand there (dodging other shoppers with full carts, and mean old fat women on electric motorcycles), and decide which of the 42 refill size bottles I wanted.  I finally figured it out, and swam my way upstream back to the end-cap where I had left my shopping cart.

You figured it...GONE!  The dang thing was nowhere to be found.  Some worthless POS that forgot to get their own shopping cart while coming in, just decided to STEAL mine.  I hate a thief...

Heck, it didn't matter so much.  I mean, The WalMart has about a bazillion of 'em, and I'm healthy enough to go get another one (even with a refill size hand soap in tow).  But, did I mention that I had put the LIST in the little fold-out-basket-thingy that we used to put the younguns in when their big ol' butts were still little enough to fit in?  

Yeah, I think I did.

Crud...I felt like John Travolta in "Grease."  Stranded at The Drive-In WalMart, Branded a Fool!!  What will The Mrs. say when I get home with  a bunch of really good junk, but only hand soap & dog food that were on the LIST?

But, I shook off the depression of it all, and remembered that I own a Phancy iPhone!  I can call her, and she can tell me what to purchase (besides the other good junk I plan to get that's not on the LIST.  One quick click, and I'm saying, "Call Pam."  And the phone rings...and rings...and rings...then goes to voicemail.  So, I try it again.  Ditto.  

Crud...

Turns out that she was on the phone with The Mrs.-In-Law...and it's a rule at Andy's Place that you don't rush off the phone when your Mama calls (you KNOW you ain't that busy).  

So, I'm stranded with no LIST.  I had only half-way looked at it when she handed it to me, so I had to stand there calling on every remaining living cell in my brain to bring up a pitcher of the LIST.  Okay...coffee, tortillas, limes, bread, coffee, hand soap, dog food, flour tortillas, spaghetti, sliced cheese, thin spaghetti, hand soap, dog food, Sam's Diet Cola, Sam's Diet Twist Up, thin spaghetti...other junk...

So, I called The Mrs. 

Again.

Crud...still on the phone with The Mrs.-in-Law...

Okay, this is a retarded blog post, but the short of it is that I got home with EVERYTHING that was on the LIST...except for eggs.

I hate a thief!  I hate me a thief!  Heck, if you're gonna steal a guy's shopping cart, at least be decent enough to remind him why he went to the store in the first place!

When I got back to Andy's Place, I was mentally exhausted...