DRIVE-IN SATURDAY NIGHTS...

Over at Born Again Bourgeois, Patrick reported the top 24 things that will soon be extinct in America. The list included the obvious...Yellow Pages, classified ads, dial-up internet, and film cameras...

But this one really hit me between the eyes:

"6. Drive-in Theaters

During the peak in 1958, there were more than 4,000 drive-in theaters in this country, but in 2007 only 405 drive-ins were still operating. Exactly zero new drive-ins have been built since 2005. Only one reopened in 2005 and five reopened in 2006, so there isn't much of a movement toward reviving the closed ones."

This is a darned shame! Some of my best memories as a kid were Drive-In Saturday nights. When I was a little kid, I always knew when we were going to the Barksdale Drive-In Theater. About 4 o'clock, Momma would start popping popcorn and making tea. She would start loading up the Kroger sack with popcorn one pot at a time...no microwaves back then.

Daddy closed the store early on Saturday (5 pm instead of 8 pm), and it took about two hours to get enough popcorn popped for all of us. Daddy & Mom & us four kids would drive the 1/4 mile to the Barksdale Drive-In in the Ford Station Wagon, and just have a big old time! It was just $1 a car...pretty cheap entertainment, especially since we had Momma-made popcorn & tea for concessions.

After Daddy got a new El Camino, us kids would sit in the back on lawn chairs and watch whatever film was showing...fighting, throwing popcorn and tea at each other...all the while Momma & Daddy sitting in the cab smooching...oblivious to the havoc they had wreaked on the planet...at least for a couple of hours on Saturday night.

A tornado came along and destroyed the Barksdale Drive-In.

When I was a teenager and could drive, we still had "The Don Drive-In." I was dating the future Mrs. Andy then, and we saw a lot of really good movies there...well, I guess they were good...it was good for me! A really bad tornado came along and destroyed The Don Drive-In.

But we still had The Joy Cinema 4! Yep, 4 screens on one huge plot of land in Shreveport! We sure enjoyed all those good movies at the last remaining Drive-In in our area. One night we were really badly in need of "watching a movie," so we drove out to The Joy. It was closed...that was a bad Saturday night. There is a mini-storage, and a church there now.

I loved the Drive-In. If you never had the experience, you aren't a complete person.

When we lived for four years near Durango, CO, I was thrilled to find out that Durango had a Drive-In. It was "The Rocket." My boys had never been to a Drive-In. It was so cool to take them there. They loved it, and it was almost like old times (except The Mrs. & I couldn't quite enjoy the movie like we did as teenagers...if you know what I mean).

The Rocket in Durango is gone I guess. I found this on the computer: The Rocket Drive-In opened in 1957 with a capacity for 300 cars. This drive-in closed in October 2004, and is scheduled to be demolished and replaced by new condominium development, on which construction is set to begin in about a year.

That's a shame...but time marches on. I've been thinking about a business that will take me into retirement...something I'd enjoy doing. I don't care for the films they make now, but I'm thinking about opening up a Drive-In outside of town somewhere that land is cheap. I'd just show family films...maybe PG-13 after midnight...it might be fun to introduce a new generation of families to how much fun a Drive-In Saturday Night is.

TARHEEL WISDOM...

Hey y'all! I got this computer letter from a Tarheel. He's the brother of my old fart retired buddy that lives in Florida now. Thought I'd pass it along to y'all.

Hi Andy,

Something to think about: The Mustang Ranch and $750 billion bailout.

Back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed.

Now, we trust the economy of our country and 750 Billion Dollars to a pack of nitwits who couldn't make money running a whorehouse and selling booze.

Now if that doesn't make you nervous, what does???

Love, The Tarheel brother of your old fart retired buddy in Florida.

IT'S SUNDAY...LET'S LAUGH!

Well, the world is swirling down the toilet. There is tumult & trouble everywhere. We're gonna either burn up or freeze to death. And we're gonna be eating roast Fido pretty soon like the Chinese, just to survive.

I know that five videos on one post is "overkill." But I couldn't figure out which one I liked the best. If you've got about 20 minutes with "nothing to do," you couldn't find a better "nothing to do" than this.

If you grew up in the South, or in a Baptist Church, or a black church, or as a Catholic, or had a Momma & Daddy, or had a brother, or ever got a whipping, or ever lived through a tornado, or ever got married, or ever pondered the universe...you'll probably find something you can identify with here. I know I did.

God bless y'all. Have a fun Sunday!!!

IS CAO "BLACK ENOUGH?"

During the Presidential campaign the old guard civil rights leaders raised the question, "Is Barack Obama really black enough to be called black?" There were even some that said because he didn't have "slave blood," he didn't really qualify, etc... You remember all that stuff.

But now a new question may have to be answered. "Is Anh 'Joseph' Cao" black enough to join the Congressional Black Caucus?" The answer is "of course not." The Hill is reporting that newly elected Congressman Cao (R) Louisiana, a Vietnamese immigrant, has expressed an interest in joining the CBC.

This is gonna be fun.

A more proper question might be, "Is Cao's District 'black enough' to be represented in the Congressional Black Caucus?"

Cao has expressed interest in joining up because two-thirds of his District (formerly represented by the angelic William Jefferson) is black. Now, I think this is a pretty smart move on his part. If the guy is serious about representing the "people" of his District, then the CBC would be the party to attend.

Cao has already been invited to join the Asian Caucus (wouldn't you like to see the average IQ of that bunch) , but his District is only 3% Asian. That would be like Barney Frank joining the blue dogs. Cao would be smart to pursue this. If he gets in (I wonder if they have some secret meeting like the Lodge on Andy Griffith where somebody can black-ball you) he may be able to sprinkle a little conservative logic about how to advance the black community.

If he doesn't gain membership, well, he will just once again expose black democrats for what they are. Exclusionary racists that care more about color than having their own people adequately represented.

I guess he could start a Vietnamese Caucus. Their budget would be pretty low. They could meet any time they wanted to. I'll bet there wouldn't be many arguments.

The incoming Chairman of the CBC is Rep. Barbara Lee (D) California. Good God Anh...are you sure you want to do this?

STIMULUS "PACKAGE"?

Pinched from Dadman at CosmicConservative

ONLY TWELVE DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS...

Hey y'all! You've probably seen Straight, No Chaser's Twelve Days of Christmas. If you haven't you should. If you have, you'll enjoy it just as much.

ROSE...A CHANCE MEETING...

The Mrs. & I had just finished grocery shopping this morning at Wal-Mart. She had gone to push the cart back to the corral (we are good citizens of the Wal-Mart), and I was about to get in the car.

I heard a car drive up behind me, and a voice. "Bwwwooooooooyyyyy, don't you git in dat caaaah!" I was startled, and figured I was about to be mugged, and was sure hoping that The Mrs. would get back quick! I wheeled around, and sitting in the passenger seat of a white Ford Focus was an old black woman with a huge smile on her face...but not as big as the smile on mine.

It was Rose. I hadn't seen Rose in a few years, and she was a sight for sore eyes. Rose half-raised me and my brothers and sister. For most of my childhood, Rose worked for my Mom & Grandmother as a housekeeper. Momma hated to leave us kids, (seeing as we were such a joy to be around) but Daddy needed her to help him in his business. So, Rose was almost as much a mother to us kids as Momma was while we were growing up.

The girl that was driving the car pulled in, and Rose got out and gave me a frail-81-year-old-lady hug that sure felt good. Man, the memories...

My older brother made her belly-laugh once when he was about 5. She was ironing and he reached up and licked her right on the arm and began to cry. She asked him why he was bawling so. And he said through his tears, "I thought you'd taste like chocolate!" She laughed and laughed. She got on the phone laughing to call Momma and tell her.

But it wasn't always funny when Rose had to call Momma. More than once it was, "Ms. Anne, if you can't come home, I'm gonna havtu beat dese chirren!" Evidently Momma couldn't come home and gave her the go-ahead. Actually, I was glad because Rose was Momma-lite when it came to spankings.

She was my friend. Actually Momma told Daddy that she couldn't work every day anymore after I cried to go home with Rose when I was about 7. But Rose was with us a couple of days a week after that, and I sure was glad. I could ramble on forever with stories, but they wouldn't mean as much to y'all as they do to me.

Rose is old school. She never asked anybody for anything, and made it on her own. She only went to school for a couple of years (she was from down in the country), but managed to raise a daughter, and buy her own home...on her own, cleaning other people's houses (and spanking loving other people's children).

The last time I saw her was right after Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, and evacuees were all over Shreveport. I was driving her home from the wedding of my niece (she never got a drivers license...always rode the city buses), and she was just selling those "worthless negroes" down the country for sitting around with their hand out. She was preaching in the car about some "worthless negro" she saw on the news complaining about how his FEMA check had run out. She said, "How 'bout you git youseff a jarrrrrrb!" (she always talked to the TV...especially to the Soap Opera villains on her "sturries")

Rose told me & The Mrs. that she had had "cansuh." "Sure 'nuff they had to take my whole breastist off back in May!" But her prognosis is good...no sign of any cansuh now. She said the worst thing was the radiation..."just burnt my chestes all up."

Anyway, we had a good visit, and she was glad to hear how our older boys were doing, and what they were doing. I wish I could tell y'all how much fun we had visiting & hee-hawing, but it was one of those "you had to be there" things.

We visited until she was finished, and we drove away. She's old and frail. I hope I see her again...but I guess I shouldn't rely on chance.

PROBABLY MY LAST CHANCE...

I've see this sight once before. It is something special to see. Yesterday, the Space Shuttle Endeavour landed at Barksdale Air Force Base (about a mile from my house) on it's way home to Florida from Edwards AFB in California. Endeavour was the replacement for Challenger.

Dangit, I missed it! I didn't know it was headed my way, or I would have tried...it's one impressive sight.

This is probably the last chance I'll get to see it as the Shuttle program is just about over.

But it's supposed to leave about 11:00 am. I'm gonna try to see it take off if I can catch a good spot to watch.



Photos from The Times of Shreveport article

CHRISTMAS GREETINGS FROM A FRIEND...

Hi y'all!

I got a computer letter from my cousin Walt (the official, unpaid reviewer of this blog). He was sending along his Christmas thanks to me and others that had forwarded him so much good information this year.

I just thought I'd put the whole thing up on the computer so you all could enjoy it.

Hi Andy, and all my Dear Friends,

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery. I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel. I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels. I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed. I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot). Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years. I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOLare sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans. I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... Disfiguring me for life. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies! I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off. If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . . Oh, by the way..... A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Love, Walt

WHAT NOT TO GIVE FOR CHRISTMAS...

Have you ever been given a truly useless Christmas gift? You know, like something that you would love to re-gift, but you don't really hate anybody bad enough to give it to them. You know, like something that your shrewish Sister-in-law that you really dislike and you know is going to eventually throw your brother out of the house and keep the good car, the house, the kids, and all the money gave you?

Well, the Galileo Thermometer is one such gift!

We got this stupid thing a few years back for Christmas, and I hated it. It's quite possible that I hated it because of the giver. But I hate it even more now.

We have a young lady (our future daughter-in-law) coming to stay with us for a few weeks while she finds an apartment. So, The Mrs. decided to clean out the guest room and get it nice for a girl. We've never worried about that too much, because this boy's dormitory that we call "home" didn't have to be so spiffy. But she is a girl. A real girl thank God! So, we want to make her stay as nice as possible so that she doesn't jump ship on the deal.

So, while cleaning out the guest room, we came across this stupid shrew-gift and set it out on the porch to be thrown away. Fortunately, it is about 12 degrees today, and the wind is blowing from the north at about 4,000 miles per hour. The 4,000 mph wind just happened to knock the stupid fallix symbol looking thing over, breaking it, and the water inside spread all over the porch.

I thought "No big deal. I'll just go out there and clean up the glass and the water will evaporate pretty quickly, seeing as the North wind is blowing 4,000 mph." Well, just FYI, the stupid Galileo thermometers ain't filled with water. Their web-site states that it is a mixture of paraffin, and petroleum distillates. Now this is just wonderful news, which I had already figured out when I tracked oily crap all through the house after cleaning up the glass.

So there was only one thing to do since this is the porch that we all walk through while coming and going into the house...clean the mess up. So, I got some degreaser, a broom, and the water hose and went to work. Did I mention that it is about 12 degrees, and the wind is blowing 4,000 miles per hour?

So the job is all done now. The porch has never been cleaner. And I've learned something today about myself, and what not to give someone for Christmas.

I hate cold weather. I'm gonna go take a hot bath.

ANN COULTER BACK IN THE SADDLE...

If you missed the news a while back that Ann Coulter's jaw had been wired shut after a bad fall, you'll be glad to know that the mouth that launched a thousand barbs is back in action.

At the time of her mishap, I supposed that what had really happened was this:

Ann wakes up one morning, brews some coffee, and sits down to read all of the insane things that liberals have done overnight. Still foggy from one too many martinis the night before, a wave of compassion sweeps over her. Her heart begins to break for all misguided, and foolish liberals everywhere. A tear forms in the corner of one eye as she realizes how these unfortunate souls have been duped and programmed to believe the lie that is liberalism.

Finally, she breaks out into a full-blown snot-cry for the souls of liberals.

Then she drinks a sip of coffee, comes to herself, runs from the house into the street (in bathrobe and house shoes), and slams her own face into the first hybrid on the block. She feels much better now...

Yep, Ann is back. You can tell that she's still lisping a bit. But heh...Ann ain't gonna let a little thing like a broken jaw shut her up for long. Ann is the Joe Theisman of pundits (Broken arm? Heck, that ain't gonna keep me out of this game, dangit!)

REDEMPTION...

One of the more interesting life stories in sports is that of Billy Cannon. 25 years after first being elected to the College Football Hall of Fame, Cannon was finally inducted this week. His initial invitation was rescinded when he was arrested on Federal counterfeiting charges in 1983.



Billy truly has had the highest highs and the lowest lows. From poor beginnings in a rough neighborhood, he used his physical talent to become a Heisman Trophy winner at LSU, and lead the Tigers to a National Championship. My Daddy & Granddaddy were in Tiger Stadium on October 31, 1959 when Billy made "the Halloween run" that forever made him a legend in Baton Rouge. Few remember that Cannon made the game-saving tackle against Ole Miss that night, too.

There is a good video posted here, if you've got 3 minutes and like old college football classics.

After a pro career with the AFL Houston Oilers and Oakland Raiders, Billy used his brains to graduate from Dental School, and opened a practice in Baton Rouge. He was set for life!

He was no dummy...well...I guess he was. Counterfeiting! I remember hearing the news that Cannon had been arrested on Federal counterfeiting charges. I couldn't believe it. But it was true.

Billy served 2 1/2 years of a 5 year sentence and came out a broken man. He couldn't buy a patient for his dental practice. But Billy didn't quit. He kept plugging to try to "redeem the time." Over the years Billy has struggled to rebuild his reputation and share what he's learned from his failures with others. He became a Prison Dentist, and used that job to try to help straighten out more than just the teeth of convicts.

He has spent years traveling Louisiana speaking to high school athletes. He shares with aspiring kids the pitfalls of fame...the things that are really important in life...what not to do with your life...overcoming adversity, etc.

I think I'm a pretty good judge of people. I've watched Billy over the years, and I don't see a hint of fake in the old man. Some redemption comes "free." But some redemption is "earned." I congratulate Billy...he's earned it.

Good article here:

As an electrifying running back at LSU, he became an All-American, a Heisman Trophy winner and a national champion. He was smart enough to become a dentist and misguided enough to become a bankrupt convicted felon.

His newest title: member of the College Football Hall of Fame.

Twenty-two years after being released from prison and 11 since he was unemployed and broke, Cannon's life is in order and his greatest accomplishments are being celebrated.

"I don't look back, they might be gaining on me," said Cannon...(more)

GLOBAL WARMING UPDATE #2

Oh yea, it's icing up in New Orleans, too.

GLOBAL WARMING UPDATE...

As I write this at 8:40 am Dec. 11, 2008, Interstate 10 (that's way south, not far from the Gulf Coast of Louisiana) has been shut down at the Mississippi River...

Due to snow.

Al Gore is an idiot.

Oh yea. I hate cold weather.

MADE ME LAUGH...

Allow me a personal story.

The Mrs. and I have four sons. Two of them, aged 28 & 25 are grown and on their own. Our 19-year-old son is leaving in a few months. But we have a 12-year-old son, Paul, that will be with us for a while.

Paul is different from the other boys. He suffers from...strike that...He lives with a mild form of autism known as Asperger's Syndrome. It has been one of the most interesting experiences of my life to watch Paul grow up. He is big for his age, and very handsome. It's often hard to treat him like a 12-year-old because he has an innocence at 12 that reminds you of a young child. (The other boys were just plain rotten at 12)

Last night he came into my bedroom and asked me, "Do you know about the Wooly Mammoths frozen in ice?" I have learned to answer his questions with a question, so I replied, "Well, yes I know about Wooly Mammoths, but what in particular?"

"They have found 'em, but there is not enough DNA there to clone them." (The boy loves Science...and Math). So, I asked him "Why in the world would anybody want to clone a Wooly Mammoth?" He didn't respond. I told him that we might be able to use a Wooly Mammoth as a "beast of burden." That lead to a long discussion between us about how different animals come and go...rise and fall...become powerful and then extinct when their purpose on Earth is done.

The discussion came around to me saying, "Well, it's like that we don't need mules to pull plows anymore on farms. We have tractors, and sophisticated equipment for farming." He chimed in "Yes, technology! We have technology, and tractors, and trucks and roads for moving our produce and livestock now." Then he made me laugh when he said, "We don't need no stinkin' Wooly Mammoths!"

The whole discussion was about "change." I began to tell him about my Great Grandmother who died in 1994 at the age of 104. I told him, "Granny Laura was born in 1890. That was before cars, electricity in houses, airplanes, television, or running water in houses. When she died just 104 years later she had flown on airplanes, driven cars, had a nice house with hot & cold water and electricity, had seen man go to the Moon and return, and even knew how to use a microwave oven. Then he made me laugh when he said, "Well, of course she could use a microwave oven. Anybody can do that."

We laughed and talked more about how things always change on the Earth. But then I told him, "Paul, everything changes on this Earth. But there is one thing that never changes, and that is the love of Jesus." I said, "Jesus loves every person in every age, every decade, every century...everyone that ever has lived before, and everyone that will live in the future is loved by Jesus. Jesus' love for us all is the only thing that never changes."

Now, Paul has an odd look when he's thinking things over. He throws his head back, his brow raises, and his eyelids flutter. He did that for a couple of seconds and said, "Humph...musta' got that from his Father." Made me cry...

AND ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST...

So, California has a crazy Governor from Austria that is determined to bankrupt the State. Michigan has a Canadian chick Governor that already has destroyed it. Here in Louisiana, we've got an Indian Governor (even though he was born in Baton Rouge)...the jury is still out on what he's gonna do. And, we've got a Kenyan President.

Man, folks come from all over the world to try to screw up the U.S., don't they?

But this Serbian Blagojevich guy takes the cake. Now, he was born here in the U.S., so I can't accuse him of intentionally coming over here to mess with us, but his Daddy should have stayed over there.

Two Dogs astutely noted that Blagojevich looks just like Janet Reno without the glasses. But he looks to me just like that guy from the Russian Mafia that lives out in Brighton Beach on Law & Order reruns. Well it seems that Jack McCoy Patrick Fitzgerald is gonna do his best to nail this old boy to the wall. I sure wish Fred Thompson was the Attorney General...he hates that Russian Mob guy, and there would be no mercy for sure.

Man, what a moron this Blagowhatshisname is! He's not just a moron, he has reached a point that is hard for me to understand.

We've all seen it. How does someone become so consumed with "self" that they believe their own dookie smells good? How does someone really convince themselves that they are smart enough to get away with anything...no matter how ridiculous and crooked it is. Selling a Senate seat? Now that's just plain ignorant! The indictment should include "Extreme Ignorance!"

Well, we'll see what BarackO's Justice Department does with this one. Bush's Justice Department has taken almost 4 years on (soon to be ex) Congressman William Jefferson, and he ain't even gone to trial yet. I think the guys that rolled over on Jefferson have already served their time!

I imagine that this Blagoguy is toast. The incoming President has destroyed everyone around him that might cause him trouble...even if they aren't crooks. This guy had better get ready for a long stay at the GrayBar Hotel.

Unless he knows stuff on Obama. Then he'd better buy some funeral insurance.

THE END-DEPENDENCE BOWL...

Well, we have always called it the "Independence Bowl" here in Shreveport, but it looks like a good run has ended.

The Independence Bowl, which in the past has featured match-ups such as:

Oklahoma State v. Texas A&M (I was there for that one...all The Mrs.' Okie relatives came down to watch...some of 'em stayed with us...interesting for sure).

Nebraska v. Ole Miss (with Eli on the field).

Missouri v. South Carolina... and Missouri v. Arkansas (cough cough).

LSU v. Michigan State.

Georgia v. Arkansas.

Army (God bless 'em) v. Auburn.

Virginia Tech, Wisconsin, Alabama, Air Force, Mississippi State...real football programs...

Not to mention, well I guess I will... My beloved LSU Tigers v. Notre Dame.

has announced that this New Year's Eve, Louisiana Tech will play Northern Illinois?

How greatly thou hast fallen my beloved bowl game!

The Enddependence Bowl has been struggling for a few years now. But just some friendly advice to the Selection Committee. The goal of a bowl game is to:

1) Stay Alive!

2) Bring in huge revenue to the city (hello...all the LA Tech fans live in a 60 mile radius of Shreveport, and the 6-6 Northern Illinois folks are gonna be busy around New Years)

3) Garner a good TV audience... 'nuff said!

4) Not destroy any hope of survival by picking LA Tech and Northern Illinois!

Don't get me wrong. LA Tech has a great program that is coming on strong. Young Derek Dooley (son of legendary coach Vince Dooley of Georgia) is doing a fabulous job. And now that I have finally heard of Northern Illinois, I'm sure they are some really good folks, too.

But c'mon! You're trying to survive here! Invite Southern Miss, or Tulsa, or USL for heaven's sake...somebody that will draw a crowd and a few bucks to Shreveport. Public support is already dropping...quit driving more nails in the coffin.

If this is the end for the Indepence Bowl I will have fond memories. When it began in the '70's, it was set up for the Southland Conference champ to play whoever they could get to come play. A few years later I was working as a photographer for The Tech Talk (the student newspaper at LA Tech) as a photographer.

Tech was in the game that year (I think against Tulsa). It was the year that the "Omar Bradley Spirit of Independence Award" was initiated. General Bradley was there...all dressed up in his uniform, sitting in a wheel chair to receive the award. I have a great 8 x 10 glossy of him that I shot for the paper. I printed an extra copy for me...it is a prized possession.

Over the years the bowl game has brought legendary figures to Shreveport to receive the award. Heck, John Wayne was here one year to receive the Omar Bradley Award.

But it looks like we're winding down here. Northern Illinois?

Well, nothing lasts forever.

SOME DAYS IT'S HARD TO BE AN LSU FAN...

And this is one of those days.

An article in the LSU newspaper "The Daily Reveille" just makes me really wonder how wussified this world will finally become one day. I know wussification is coming everywhere, but I'm crestfallen to find out it has come to the LSU football game experience.

The whole article is really depressing. It seems that the LSU Tiger Band was forced to drop their signature "Oh-Wee-Oh" chant after my beloved Tigers score because the student section chimed in at the end with the very, very offensive tag-line, "you suck" during the game against those worthless, stinkin' South Carolina Gamecocks and their stupid coach Steve Spurrier. Supposedly this offended some pee-pants band officials at LSU, as they assumed it was a jab aimed at the South Carolina mascot, "Cocky." Here's a picture of old Cocky...that is one ugly mascot.

Not to mention that the game was at South Carolina. Heck, if those LSU student fans want to pick a fight on somebody else's home turf where they're outnumbered, let 'em do it! It's part of the college experience that might keep you from making such mistakes later on in life.

(Of course it wouldn't have mattered if a fight broke out between 400 LSU students and the whole stadium...it was just miserable South Carolina after all...it woulda been kinda like a fight between a Tiger and a chicken).

Heck, when I was in high school we would sit in the stands at basketball games and scream in unison "Go to Hell Airline, go to Hell!!!!" or "Go to Hell Parkway, go to Hell!!!!"...or whatever miserable school we were playing that night. That was 30 plus years ago, and really a lot more offensive than "you suck." I can't say I am proud of it now that I wished eternal damnation and torture on those worthless opponents of ours...but c'mon!

They're kids! Part of the fan experience in sports, and most especially at LSU is to work up a deep enough hatred for your opponent that you can use potty-mouth words against 'em.

The whole ignorant controversy is just that...ignorant. And too PC. And wuss. And ignorant!

WHY I LOVE DOGS! #93

I have told y'all before that as far as I'm concerned the only pet worth having is a dog. I won't repeat myself as to why I hate cats, parakeets, gerbils, goldfish, turtles, those stupid Vietnam pigs, and any other stupid pet other than a dog. Even as stupid as my ignorant lab Sadie is, I'd take her over the smartest pig in Saigon.

This dog down in Santiago, Chile (if you're from Arkansas, that's not something you eat, it's a city in another country way off somewhere) evidently had a buddy of his get hit on the freeway and didn't hesitate for a moment to go to his canine buddy's aid. It's amazing. I don't know if his buddy made it, but I kinda doubt it. Still, this dog adopted the military way of not leaving a fallen buddy behind.

One more note: If you're from Arkansas don't worry that you can't understand the words. They're from a different language, being as it happened in a country way off somewhere.



And from the archives of why I love dogs. Carolyn Scott & Rookie - Don't touch that mouse...you'll be sorry!



In case you're old and feeble and forgot...for comparison's sake.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY ABOUT THIS...

I have something to say about just about everything, but on this one I'm speechless.

No preview, no comment. Too many cooks can spoil the broth!

Tip of the ball cap to Walt.

SOMETIMES I AMAZE MYSELF WITH MY OWN STUPIDITY!

Okay, so I had to run around the corner to the convenience store this morning. I have gotten to know the guy that owns the place (this ain't Leroy from out on the highway heading out of town, this is Pat). We always visit, and he's a nice guy...about my age.

I could tell he was out of sorts for some reason, and I asked him, "Pat, is everything okay?" He said, "No Andy, I just got word that my Grandma died this morning." I felt bad for him and told him that I did. I remember how I felt when my grandparents passed away.

Then in my attempt to be compassionate I decided to inquire about his Grandma. I thought about asking him if she had been sick for a long time, or how she died. But I decided to ask him how old she was. Instead, I asked him "Was she old?"

I think Pat knew that I had screwed up. He kinda smiled and said, "Naw Andy, she was just 33...cut down in the prime of her life...of course she was old...she was my Grandma dangit!" Then he got a dookie-eating grin on his face and said, "Here's Your Sign."

I apologized for acting so ignorant. But he knew my old stupid heart was in the right place and thanked me for my concern.

I just seem to spread joy and comfort everywhere I go these days...

IT TOOK A HURRICANE...

...But Congressman William Jefferson (D) LA, is finally gone!

When Hurricane Gustav roared through Louisiana in late Summer, the Secretary of State was forced to change our election schedule. People were displaced, and many polling stations were destroyed or unusable. So our Congressional Primaries were set back one month. This caused our primary run-offs to be held on the date of the General Election in Nov. , and the Congressional general election to be held yesterday, Dec. 6.

William Jefferson Clinton, the crookedest snake in LA politics since Fast Eddie Edwards (and that's saying something) lost his bid to hold on to his Congressional seat yesterday against a political newcomer, Republican Vietnamese refugee Anh 'Joseph' Cao. It's worth a look at this article just to learn a little bit about this Cao guy, and his amazing story.

The Times-Picayune has the full story, but here is the beef.

As predicted, there was a dramatic drop-off in turnout Saturday compared with the Nov. 4 election that featured Barack Obama, now president-elect.

Last month, nearly 164,000 Democrats and independents in the 2nd District cast ballots. Even with the universe of voters expanded Saturday to include all registered voters, only 66,846 showed up to the polls.

In a rare radio interview in advance of the general election, Jefferson had expressed concerns that his base of African-American supporters might assume that he had won re-election last month and stay home Saturday.

And:

With the upset victory, Anh "Joseph" Cao, a eastern New Orleans attorney who fled war-ravaged Saigon as a child, becomes the first Vietnamese-American in Congress. He will represent a district that was specifically drawn to give African-Americans an electoral advantage and one in which two of every three voters are registered Democrats.

My Congressional run-off was interesting, and I'll tell y'all about it later. Gustav probably determined it, too.

All I can say is, Thank God for the occasional hurricane!

I HATE COLD WEATHER! #248

Have I mentioned before that I hate cold weather? I hate everything about it. I don't really hate Winter so much, as long as it ain't a cold one...and due to the fact that they have the good college bowl games in Winter.

But I swear, it has been getting colder earlier and earlier every year here in NW Louisiana. And we don't have that tolerable "dry" cold. Ours makes you cold all the way through...and then some.

I once told The Mrs. "When I turn 50, I am moving to Florida. And when I turn 60, I'm moving to Guatemala. And when I turn 70, I'm moving square on the equator somewhere, to try to stay warm." Of course, being the wise-acre she is she said, "Well, the way you're going, by the time you turn 80 you'll be so danged evil that you'll be ready for a real hot place to live." Wise acre.

I was suffering this morning. I went outside to feed Sadie (Sadie's my yellow lab, not my wife), and danged near lost 3 fingers to frost-bite. I had a bad attitude.

But I sat down to look at my computer letter inbox, and got some encouragement. My cousin Walt (who is the official reviewer of this blog...and not a Redneck by the way) sent me a computer letter that made me realize how foolish it is to wallow in self-pity over freezing my derriere off (if you're from Arkansas, derriere is French for hiney, but Americans can use that word, too) for about one quarter of my life.

I thought I'd share it with y'all.

I found this beautiful winter poem and thought it might be a comfort to you.
It was to me and it's very well written and I hope that you enjoy it too .

" WINTER "
by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre

Shit It's Cold !

The End

ANOTHER COLLEGE FOOTBALL SATURDAY...AND I WAS WRONG. AGAIN.

Well, I wasn't all that wrong, just a little bit wrong for a change. There were only two college games that mattered yesterday, the SEC Title Game between Florida and 'Bama, and the Big 12 Title game between OU & Mizzou.

Now, you all know my nickname is Andy "The Greek" Einstein when it comes to making picks, but for once I shot a two-fer. In the SEC game I had Florida beating 'Bama by 10, 34-24. I was wrong. The final was Florida 31 - 'Bama 20. So, I was one point off on the spread, and 7 points high on the total. What I failed to take into account in my scientific calculations was that the game was played inside. Playing inside historically drives down the score. Witness 40 years of the New Orleans Saints.

But all in all, I feel good about my call. While I was pulling for Florida, I've got to give Nick Saban and his beefy 'Bama boys their due. They played hard, and played well against an obviously superior team. Florida had some weapons sidelined that could have made it worse, and Nick took advantage of everything he had to work with. Saban hasn't got The Tide there just yet. He won alot of close ones, and got outplayed in a few but won anyway. Good season Nick...you were just overrated for too long. Watch 'em next year...

Okay, on to the Big 12 Championship. I was tired last night, and couldn't stay awake through the whole game. Obviously neither could Missouri.

In my pick, I had Oklahoma beating Missouri by 77, 80-3. (I gave Mizzou the 3 because the game was in Kansas City). I was wrong. The final was OU 62 - Mizzou 21. Missouri held it alot closer than I reckoned, only losing by 41! So, I was 36 points off on the spread, but dadgummit, I hit the total points smack between the eyes! (they were playing outside)

Why have the poll voters not realized just how scarry good OU is? Why did OU go into that game only ranked #4? I know, I know, I know...Moo Moo!

Well, there you have it. The BCSMess should be settled by The Sooners & The Gators. If it's not, then I'm not watching it (riiiiiight....of course I'm watching it). It'll be awhile before they play that game, and alot can happen. But if it was played next Saturday, while I would root for the SEC team as per tradition, I'd give OU a 7 point advantage, probably 42 to 35.

So, Andy "The Greek" Einstein was mostly right. For a change.

MY LUNCH DATE WITH O.J. SIMPSON...

Me and The Mrs. have a standing date for lunch every Friday. Even though we work together, and spend about 23 hours a day together, at least once a week it's nice to eat someone else's cooking (for her...not me so much).

This is a sacred tradition, and the only exception is if Friday falls on Christmas, or Thanksgiving. (If you're from Arkansas I'll give you a minute to catch that one).

Well yesterday was Friday, and it was my turn to pick where to eat. I guess I had the big Florida-'Bama game on my mind so I thought about a place I hadn't been in years. There is a good restaurant in north Bossier called "Gators." We went in and were lead to our table by a little gal whose hair was still wet. The Mrs. explained to me that she had something called "moose" in it to make it look that way...you can imagine the conversation we had about that...

Anyway, I learned a few lessons about a lunch date from eating at Gators.

1) Don't take your wife to a restaurant that has TVs on the wall, especially if the volume is down and they're running "closed captioning" if you want her to have an enjoyable dining, and conversational experience.

2) Don't take your wife to lunch while O.J. Simpson is being sentenced...no matter what crimes he commited in the past, or what he might do in the future...don't do it.

3) Don't be too timid to ask the wet-headed hostess to cut the danged Closed Captioning off, and turn the volume up.

4) Don't sit at a table next to 6 over-sized Rednecks who hated O.J. already before he ever killed Nicole.

5) Don't try to read a TV screen, act interested in what the wife is saying, and eat fried catfish at the same time.

6) Don't ever have any anticipation that that chick Judge is ever gonna stop running her mouth. (I swear, I know that gal saw this as her "moment in the sun," but c'mon...just shut up and sentence him for heaven's sake, so I can eat and quit trying to turn one eye up, and one eye on the Mrs. and the food.

I think her sentence took longer than the danged trial. I swear, I would hate to be married to that Judge woman...droning on, and on, and on, and on, and on...I'll bet she's divorced. Twice.

7) Don't imagine for one second that you can add up consecutive & concurrent years, months, and possibilities of parole on count after count in your head while you're talking to your wife about Christmas gifts for the kids and ever figure out how long O. J. is gonna be a guest at the GrayBar Hotel.

8) When you see a stream of 20 blue-haired old bitties coming out of the back room, jump in line in front of them to pay your ticket or they'll be serving dinner before everybody gets their check paid.

I finally just hollered at the moose-haired hostess and told her I was leaving it on the table. She gave me an understanding smile. Since I didn't have small bills that made me leave a bigger tip than I wanted to. But I wanted to get out of the parking lot before 20 old half-blind women that all wanted to pay with correct change and couldn't quite find the coin-holder in their purses started backing out (if you know what I mean).

Heck, you should have seen those old broads looking scared, and as white as sheets. One of those Redneck boys had a tablet and a pencil, and he was adding years and months & subtracting, and had three columns set up so he could figure out exactly how long O.J. was getting. By the time we left, those 6 Redneck boys were hollering, and occasionally using potty-mouth words in reference to O. J., and high-fiving, and a couple of them were walking from table to table delivering the news (tablet in hand).

As we were walking out the door, one of them even grabbed an old blue-hair and started dancing with her.

She was the only one in line that looked happy.

IF VINTAGE AUTOS INTEREST YOU...

This is a unique vehicle, and kinda cool. I think I'd like to take her for a spin myself. 1940 Barn Dodge

OKAY, I GOT IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM!

Okay, yesterday was this blog's first annual "I Hate Arkansas Day." If you're from Arkansas let me say two things.

1) Annual means once a year.

b) Don't take any of it personal, or serious. Some of my favorite kin and friends are either from Arkansas, or still live there.

We shall move on, yet I reserve the right to make this more than an annual event, depending on if one of these Arkies that come to gamble in Shreveport tick me off...again.

OKAY...SO IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT WAR IS...A LITTLE SNAPSHOT FROM OUR LONG HISTORY...

At Tarawa the US armed forces lost almost as many men in three days as we have in the whole battle for Iraq.

In 1943, Soldiers and Marines hadn't been handcuffed by politicians, political correctness, and an anti-American media. Come to think of it, they hadn't been handcuffed by a populace that are too ignorant, lazy, and void of morality to understand what was at stake either. God bless our troops! I just don't know if I could give it my all in battle knowing just what kind of idiotic whimps I was fighting for.

Here is newsreel footage of the battle and those brave boys. Give it a look...

Be sure to read the related article. It seems that some of our lost heroes may have been found on Tarawa.

At the end of World War II, when the Army returned to recover the bodies of American dead on the island, it would find fewer than half of those records claimed were buried there...(more)

ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A FLORIDIAN?

Okay, it's time to play a little game! This retired buddy of mine from Florida sent me a computer letter talking about a game those old retired farts in Florida like to play.

So in honor of the big Florida-'Bama game I thought I'd ask y'all to play, too.

This is a favorite game in Florida.

It 's time to play 'Find the Canadian!'

This week's challenge is especially difficult.

View the photo at the bottom and use logic to locate the clues that will let you 'Find the Canadian!'

Do you have the skill?

Do you have the ability?

Do you know enough about your Northern Cousins?

Can You FIND THE CANADIAN?

Taking notes is permissible but try to limit your time to no more than 5 minutes! Good luck!

Hey, I also found another Canadian down in Florida. Looks like she's all primed and ready for her Gators to beat the ever-loving snot out of 'Bama.

Go Gators!
(do y'all know how hard it is for me to say that???)

HARVARD IS LOSING MY FAVOR QUICK...

I was already ticked off at Harvard for regraduating that worthless, fat, murdering toad Ted Kennedy. I had almost already decided to cast my vote against the 9-1 Harvard Crimson for a bowl bid, but I was on the fence.

But now they have lost something like 8 bazillion dollars that ignorant folks had given them to take care of to continue their wonderful heritage of educating the nations' "best and brightest." I reckon that good stewardship is not a qualification for intelligence...so, if you can understand that, you are a stinkin' genius.

All I can say is that it couldn't have happened to a nicer bunch of folks!

The Harvard endowment, the biggest of any university, stood at $36.9 billion as of June 30, meaning the loss amounts to about $8 billion. That's more than the entire endowments of all but six colleges, according to the latest official tally.

Harvard said the actual loss could be even higher, once it factors in declines in hard-to-value assets such as real estate and private equity...(more).

Sorry Crimson...I'm voting for Brown vs. Arkansas (Dang, could you imagine what the pre-game banquet and pep-rallies would be like?...that would be worth a trip just to witness firsthand)

BURGER KING ON THE CAMPUS OF THE UNIVERSITY OF ARKANSAS

Heh! They take VISA...I reckon they decided to accommodate the visiting team's fans.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION?

If you're from Arkansas, let me translate. Do you believe folks can come back to earth after they've took a dirt nap?

Reverse_Vampyr has an interesting short post.

WHAT DOES CHAMBLISS' SENATE WIN IN GEORGIA REALLY MEAN?

I'll spell it out for y'all.

A.B.S.O.L.U.T.E.L.Y. N.U.T.H.I.N.!

I listened yesterday to the conservative talking heads, and read some articles about it, and I have yet to hear anybody just come out and tell the truth. It don't mean nuthin!

There were two main themes I heard. The first is that this election was a real test of the country's confidence in BarackO'. Give me a stinkin' break! Hello...Hello...does anybody remember that the less than conservative stalwart John McCain beat Obama in Georgia by 5 points?

Did anybody notice that Dec. 2 is not Nov.4? Y'all might remember that Nov. 4 was the day when every motivated Obama voter flooded the polls (Georgia included). If the Senate election had been held alongside the Presidential election Chambliss would still have won...maybe not by 20 points, but probably by more than McCain did.

The second theme I keep hearing and reading is "Whew...the Democrats didn't get a filibuster-proof majority...whew...the country is safe for awhile...whew...whew!!!"

"Whew" my rosie red fanny!

If anybody really believes that Chuck Hagle, and Olympia Snowe, and Susan Collins, and Ben Nelson, and yes...our fearless leader John McCain are going to hold together in lock step with the Republican minority to filibuster bad legislation, or bad judges, or bad breath...well, I want to sample what they're smoking.

From FoxNews: Minnesota -- where a recount is under way -- now remains the only unresolved Senate contest in the country. But the stakes there are significantly lower now that Georgia has put a 60-seat Democratic supermajority out of reach.

It don't mean n.u.t.h.i.n.!

MY STORY AIN'T AS GOOD AS JOE'S...

I have a pretty amazing story about how my lost class ring was returned to me after several years. But it would sound pretty ignorant compared to Joe Richardson's story...amazing.

Fisherman nets bass - and lost class ring from 1987

TORNADO STORY ADDITION...

The Official Reviewer of this blog (it's my cousin Walt...he don't get paid for it, he just does it 'cause he's trying to help me out) has informed me that my post yesterday was not complete.

He said that what I should have done is add some pictures of Bossier City today to go along with the picture of some of the destruction. Well, the last time Walt visited Bossier City he took some pictures. He sent me a computer picture in a computer letter so I could show y'all.
















Actually, I think Walt might be mistaken. I have been to that very spot. That is the Athletic Dorm Complex at the stinkin' University of Arkansas.

From this angle you can't see the Athlete's Dining Hall (that's what they call it, most folks just call it a trough)...stupid pigs!

They had a tornado sweep through the campus at Fayetteville about two years ago... did about 12 million dollars worth of improvements.

Did I mention that I hate Arkansas?

I had told y'all before that LSU fans only hate the other school on the week running up to the game, then we go ahead on and refocus our hatred somewhere else. But there is one exception. You figure it out...

30 YEARS AGO TODAY...

...my hometown got blown away into prosperity!

Nobody will probably take the time to read this, but I'm gonna type it down anyway for my own good. If this kind of stuff bores you, just move on...there's plenty of entertaining stuff on the computer.

I can't let the 30th anniversary of the Bossier City Tornado pass without talking about it. This Jap guy Ted Fujita that came up with the Fujita Scale for tornadoes rated the F-4 Bossier City tornado as the strongest tornado to ever strike the US during overnight hours.

On Saturday night, Dec. 2, 1978, The (future) Mrs. and I went out on a date. She was home on the weekend from LA Tech. I don't remember where we went, or what we did, but I'm pretty sure it had something sinful connected to it.

I had bought a little house in Coleman Park on Impala Drive (yes, it was named after the car...the street next to it is Thunderbird). In those days, owning was cheaper than renting (I had paid $17,500...the payment was $88 per month...but I did have to cut the grass...that was before I was married and had a Mrs. to do it). I have few regrets in life, but one of them is selling that house.

Anyway, I got home about 11:00 on Saturday night. My faithful mutt Beauregard was waiting for me with great expectation that he would be let out to do his business. I put him out the back door and took a leak myself. I had built a make-shift darkroom in the house, and decided to go work on some film that I had shot. I was in the darkroom and heard Beauregard trying to break down the back door...slamming into it...yapping his head off, etc.

I got the prints in the stop bath and went to the back door to let the stupid mongrel in. When I opened the back door the air was as thick as I'd ever felt. I looked up, and the sky was yellow...yep, really yellow. Beauregard blasted past me, did the screeching corner turn into the hall, peeled down the hall into my bedroom, jumped up on my bed, and buried his worthless nose under the pillows. I guess I should have known something was up...but I had photos to deal with.

I was tired after I got them hung to dry. It was about 1:00 am when I turned in...after throwing Beauregard off the bed. He nervously found a place to sleep (under the bed). I guess I should have known something was up.

At about 7:00 am on Sunday morning, Dec. 3, the doorbell woke me up. I was bleary-eyed, and noticed that the telephone next to my bed was off the hook, and the receiver was lying in the floor (I found out why later on, but it's too long to tell). Then I heard "bang, bang, bang" on the door and the doorbell was getting worn out. So I dragged myself up thinking "what in the world?"

When I got to the front door it was my beloved Granddaddy (not Papaw that I have told y'all about). He told me, "A tornado has come right through town. It's wiped out everything down through where the store is and where your Mom (his daughter) and Dad live. Get some clothes on, and come with me."

I got some clothes on...scared spitless. I got in Granddaddy's station wagon. Now, Granddaddy lived way up in North Bossier, and as we headed toward our destination I wondered how he had made it to my house. Airline Drive was littered with metal, bricks, and plywood. He was just driving over all that crap in his Pontiac Station Wagon like it wasn't even there. There were cops everywhere. I asked him how he got through the roadblocks to my house.

It was a stupid question. My Granddaddy was a local businessman, and also the world's greatest BS artist. He knew just about all the cops on the force, and could talk his way out of (and into) just about anything.

So we got to the intersection of Old Minden Road (the street my parents lived on) and Airline Drive. It was completely blocked by big old National Guard guys with rifles that didn't know Granddaddy. We were told that only residents could pass.

So, it fell to me to be the BS artist. Fortunately I had not changed the address on my drivers license after moving from home. I pulled it out and showed it to GI Joe. I told him that I got caught out partying when the storm hit and really needed to get home to check on my folks. He let me and Granddaddy pass through the barricade (on foot...so we parked his Wagon at the Pak-A-Sack and hoofed it).

As we walked down Old Minden Road I saw every utlity pole sheared off about 5 feet from the ground with electric lines intact. I was expecting the worst. It was just a short walk from Airline Drive to the house. When Grandadday and I got there we gingerly stepped over electric lines and walked up the driveway. Daddy was there, sitting on the front steps with a big smile on his face. I guess he knew that we would find him.

I have never been so glad to see my Daddy in my life! The house had about two shingles missing. Everything else was fine. I still wonder to this day how a tornado can break every utility pole on a street and leave every house untouched.

Daddy told us that he woke up and realized the power was off, but didn't think anything about it. He got up and took Honey (their worthless, yapping chihuhua/poodle mix) out to do her business. He went out the back door so he didn't see the utility poles laying in his front yard. But he knew right away something was wrong. From our back yard you could see the "Don Drive-In Theater." It was gone.

I guess that was enough to get Daddy to start looking around, and he realized that he was trapped by utility poles, power lines, and lack of communication with the outside world. So he did the best thing he could...sit down on the front porch and wait for kin to arrive. Well, Momma was kinda testy because there wasn't any way to make coffee, but all in all she was okay.

We decided to try to walk down to the store. My Granddaddy & Daddy owned an Appliance & TV store (that's where I worked...no nepotism involved at all there). That was back in the days when you bought appliances and TVs from the local guy that you knew. So Daddy grabbed all the ID he could find and we headed off on the 1/2 mile or so trek.

The further we went the worse it got. There was debris everywhere. We got to where Sports World used to be, and found that Sports World was not to be...it was gone (actually, shoes from Sports World were found 30 miles away in the woods near Minden, LA with the tags still on them).

Then we passed by the Port Au Prince, a two story apartment complex that only had one story left. Then we passed by a restaurant on the corner of Old Minden and Benton Road...well it was a restaurant...

We were expecting the worst. About 200 yards north we strode into the parking lot of Will's Appliances at 450 Benton Rd. About two shingles were missing. Daddy unlocked the door and we walked in. The dadgummed alarm went off! There was still power at the store!!!

Daddy has always lived right!

We turned the alarm off and walked back to the house. Momma & Daddy collected up some clothes and we walked back to Granddaddy's Pontiac Station Wagon and headed north to his house.

I wish that I could describe what I saw in the aftermath of that tornado in a way that would be worth trying. As we drove north on Airline Drive past what once was The Don Drive-In Theater I saw a blood red drop-top ElDorado hanging about 15 feet above ground, wrapped around a utility pole. The Pizza Hut was just a P Hut, and the liquor store across the street wasn't very "Thrifty."

You always hear people describing tornado devastation like a "war zone." I've never been in a war zone, but I guess that is as good a way to describe it as any. We had to stop for a cop barricade, and I jumped out of the Wagon while Granddaddy was BS-ing his way through it. We were right by what used to be the Don Drive-In Theater. I just had to go look. That was where The Mrs. took my innocence...I just had to go look.

I walked through the debris, and saw several 4" steel speaker mounts twisted like pretzels. A few of them were twisted like horseshoes...all the way to the ground. Granddaddy started hollering at me to get in the car so I did. We weaved our way to his comfortable, safe, loving house in North Bossier. I really don't remember how I got home. But I did check on The (future) Mrs. She lived about 300 yards from The Don Drive-In theater. They were all okay and lived to tell their own stories.

I would swear on a stack of Good Books that what I saw really made me realize just how insignificant, and how powerless I am as a human.

Well, The Don Drive-In Theater became a shopping Mall that attracted like a gozillion dollars worth of revenue to Bossier. The tornado wiped out a bunch of ugly, cruddy buildings. The city rebuilt and became a haven for "white flight" Shreveporters. It is too long a story to tell y'all how Bossier City made lemonade out of limes...but trust me...my little town that was devastated truly made the most of a catastrophe.

Our local outhouse wiping paper, The Times of Shreveport (which just cut 22 jobs by the way due to the fact that they are ignorant and irrelevant) ran an article about the Bossier City Tornado.

AAAAAHHHHH....THE GOOD OLD DAYS!

I remember when I was a little kid sitting in a rickety old lawn chair, under a big oak tree in Dubberly, Louisiana with my Papaw, his brothers, and a bunch of other old men I didn't really know. It was probably about 1965.

And it was probably in July or August. It was as hot as the bad place, and mosquitoes were everywhere (for some reason they like little kids better than old guys).

They were talking about this and that. They were drinking some canned drink that they wouldn't let me try. Looking back, I think it was Falstaff. (but Papaw would let me chew Red Man when we were riding in the truck if I promised not to tell Momma & Daddy) I hadn't ever heard some of the words they were using, but everybody seemed to be laughing pretty good.

But my Papaw said a word that I had heard. He was telling something funny, and used the word "politician." I had heard that word before, so I asked Papaw what a "politician" is.

He told me "A politician is somebody that's got nothin' to do, and all day to do it in! Every once in a while they go to the Lion's Club and give speeches to the businessmen. Sometimes they go cut ribbons when a new shopping center opens up. Sometimes they go to the high school football game and shake hands with the crowd. And sometimes they go up to Washington and do nothin' up there instead of doin' it at home."

I sure wish it was the good old days. It seems like our politicians now have a way bigger "to do list" than back then. Seems like they set their cap every day to screw with us...raise our taxes...pass laws that make it hard to do business...spend our taxes bailing out ignorant idiots...badmouth our military. It seems like they spend every waking moment trying to ruin our lives. I wish they'd go back to just doin' nothin'.

I really miss my Papaw. We were friends, and he died when I was 29. Daddy & Momma named me after him (Andrew, not "Papaw") But I'm kinda glad he's not alive to see these "Bad New Days" politicians.

BIG, FAT, WORTHLESS, MURDERING RETARD GRADUATES FROM HARVARD AGAIN...

I had just started to become a Harvard fan, seeing as they went 9-1 this football season in the Ivy League. I was even hoping they might go to a bowl game...maybe the premiere edition of the 58th college football bowl game, the "We Want a Bowl Game In Our Town, And We Found Some Corporate Chump To Pay For It Bowl."

But Harvard has let me down. It seems that yesterday, the Crimson gave Ted Kennedy an honorary degree to go along with the one his Daddy bought for him back in the 50's.

You can look at the article if you want to, but the best line in is the lead:

NEW YORK (AFP) – Veteran liberal US Senator Edward Kennedy on Monday was awarded an honorary degree by Harvard University in recognition of his decades of service to the country.

I laughed so hard I spit Diet Coke on the computer typewriter!

What those AFP folks left out was the fact that not only did Harvard make Teddy an honorary re-graduate (I had to do that one year in Junior High), they also made him an honorary lifetime member of the Crimson swim team. Actually, that was a pretty smart move by Harvard. Heck, if he shows up to compete...well, they're likely to win the Ivy League Championship!

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, JUST TO STAY SANE...

...I have to visit Mayberry!

This is a good one. It's got Andy, Barney, Briscoe Darlin, Charlene and the boys...

And Gilligan!

Mayberry keeps me sane, but sometimes it does make me cry...