Saturday, December 12, 2009

Speaking of Tiger...some thoughts on infidelity...

This is likely to be a disjointed post...again. As a Christian, I have some "unorthodox" views on marriage that other Christians find odd. But, that's for another time...

I want to address this Tiger Woods story, but more specifically the subject of marital infidelity.

I'm against it.

Now, in my younger days, I would rail against men who were unfaithful to their wives. To me, it was not so much a matter of "thou shalt not commit adultery," as it was "a man that can break that sacred trust will do anything!" I was strident in that opinion, and often spoke it.

But, as time rocked along, and I began to understand better my own faults, failings, sins, etc. it became almost a revelation from God: "Andy, your sins are just as grievous to God as theirs." In truth, our Savior taught us that even to "lust" brings us on par with the adulterer. Jesus strengthened "The Law" through His ministry...thus making perfection impossible for a man, save through the sacrifice of His blood, and our faith in said sacrifice.

So, SIN is SIN, and is all a stench in the nostrils of God. Forget "sin" for a moment...even an act of human "righteousness" smells like a 48 hour diaper, in contrast to the holiness of God.

As I grew older (and hopefully wiser), I came to know many men that had been unfaithful to their wives. And, I discovered that I was wrong in the assumption that their marital unfaithfulness meant that they "would do anything." It just simply was not the truth. Most of them had found forgiveness, redemption, and had regained trust...but some had not. And some never will. That is the "wage" that their sin paid them...a "death" of something very sacred, and settling...the complete trust of their spouse & family.

Tiger is stupid for not dealing with his problem before it blew his, and his family's life to pieces. In fact, he likely has some diagnosable psychosis that he's ignored. I hope he does deal with it, and puts the jigsaw puzzle back together, regardless of whether it will always be missing some pieces.

I have two dear friends (friends for over 30 years with both) that have recently found themselves in extramarital affairs. And both of them told me, "Andy, I NEVER thought this would happen to me. I NEVER in my wildest dreams thought I'd end up being unfaithful." But they were...and they are receiving a burdensome wage for it. So be on guard, fellows (and gals)! If it could happen to these two buddies of mine, I guar-on-tee that it can happen to any of us.

Let me wrap this up. Tiger Woods is a professional golfer...probably the greatest to ever play the game. As far as I know, there is not a "morals clause" to carry a PGA card. I could be wrong, but he's not the only horndog out there on the tour. His story will likely put a big old hickey on professional golf for a long, long time. In the eyes of many, Tiger "is golf."

But, he is not a Pastor that preaches against adultery. He is not a teacher responsible for shaping young minds. He is not an elected official responsible for making policy that truly impacts our lives. In my memory, I don't recall Tiger ever setting himself up as a "beacon" of morality. Maybe society has projected that onto him.

But, due to his obvious schizophrenia/spiritual imbalance/horndoggedness, perhaps we can all learn a lesson. Hey! I just thought of a really neat phrase that might just catch on..."You can't judge a book by its' cover!" (I might get some traction out of that one...remember, you heard it here first!)


  1. I won't... can't... cast stones. Well said, Andy.

  2. I'm not sure Tiger's problem is as bad as schizophrenia - horndoggedness yes and the fact that no one has ever said no to him. He's a spoilt brat with a big ego and should never have gotten married. But no, he wanted it all - wife, babies and Barbies. Maybe he'll grow up one day.

  3. Nice post Andy. I wish more Christians would honor the tenets of their faith like you just did.

    Not being Christian myself though, I can lob all the stones I like. :-)

    I suppose I can intellectually appreciate the powerful effect of temptation which could lead otherwise honorable men into adultery. I know it happens, and in general I try not to judge folks harshly.

    But Tiger's indiscretions here are seriously self-destructive, to the point of being life-threatening if even half of the accounts that have surfaced are true. And as much as I can say "well, OK, he wants to take that risk, fine" my immediate reaction is instead "How could he possibly expose Elin to that risk without her knowledge?"

    These days marital infidelity on a scale like Tiger has undertaken is not merely a moral threat, it is a potential death sentence to himself and any regular sexual partner, most specifically his wife and the mother of his (known) children. This isn't merely about marital infidelity, this is about behavior that is so outrageously irresponsible that it literally crosses the line into life-threatening. I'll chunk a few stones his way.

  4. When the people accept a guy like Tiger as the Go to Guy for a role Model (Consider his Billion Daollar advertisement contracts) I think we can throw rocks at him. I think that a man must stop loving the woman he lives with as he starts loving other women. As he falls more in love with others, he must start loving his wife less. For that, I find it hard to forgive. MUD

  5. I don't hold folks to my standards for myself; their choices are their own. But my level of respect for a married cheater is diminished. My attitude -- and my personal life choice up to now -- is that if I am unhappy in a relationship, I don't go looking for what I'm missing until I am out of the unhappy relationship, period. I've never taken a wedding vow, and won't unless I can mean every last word of it.

    A saint I ain't; but on this, I am firm. My father cheated; my mother cheated. I will not, period.

    Tiger did a PR face plant in crap; it's up to Tiger to clean up his mess. He's still one helluvan athlete and golfer, but his image and PR luster is lost on me. And I can tell you, I am the least of Tiger's worries, when it comes to rebuilding his image. He could care less what I think.

  6. Yeah, I know what you mean Skunks. Tiger doesn't owe me anything.

    My mother, or father never cheated, and I feel the same way that you do.


Don't cuss nobody out, okay?