It is a cool, rainy Saturday in NW Louisiana. And am I ever thanking the Good Lord for this rain! As hard as some of y'all might find it to believe, we have been as dry as a Baptist County. All the rain has dodged us for too long now, and this is just beautiful!
So, I've decided to take the opportunity of the inability to do yard work. I have probably a dozen computer letters, tips, stories from our beloved regular contributors that I have been wanting to use, but never got (the proverbial) 'roundtuit. I need to clean out the mailbox, but I want to publish these so that I can get to 'em later on through this pitiful little blog.
It may take me all day to get this done, as I'm just gonna work on it in snatches. And, it may take you all day to read it. But hopefully you'll find something in here you'll enjoy. I know I liked all of 'em! Y'all feel free to steal any of this you want, and don't feel obliged to acknowledge the source, because every single bit of it is stolen from original source, and probably passed through four or forty hands before it ended up in this post.
Let's start at the bottom of the box, and work our way up, shall we!
Looks like (something I stole from somebody)
He looks like he was in the outhouse when lightning struck.
When she walks her ass looks like two bulldogs fighting in a gunny sack.
She looks like she swapped legs with a stork and lost some ass in the deal.
He looks like Death with a hangover,
He looks like he was in a hammer fight and everyone had a hammer except him.
He looks like he just refereed a monkey knife fight.
His face looks like it caught fire and someone beat it out with a track shoe.
He looks like a horse in a man costume.
She looks like she was dragged backwards through a knot hole.
His eyes look like two piss holes in a snow bank.
When Planes Land in Lubbock (from Big Tony)
VIEW WHEN PLANES LAND AT LUBBOCK , TX AIRPORT
How very unique! Somebody went to a lot of trouble. When you look at the message,
it was not made by cutting down plants for the letters, it was made by cutting
everything else away and leaving the letters. That took a lot of ingenuity, time, and
ability. Look at the 2nd picture and compare the message size with the farm house
and adjoining buildings etc. The picture is actually huge.
VIEW WHEN PLANES LAND AT LUBBOCK , TX AIRPORT:
The farmer who owns the field made the images ... it's near the airport so
all of the planes coming and going can see the message ... it would
be hard to land in Lubbock , Texas and not see this.
After many reported sightings, these images were recorded in mid-August
After many reported sightings, these images were recorded in mid-August
this year. They are of a field approximately 1 mile north-east of
The 12 Most Bizarre ID Cards (from Walt)
The rest are funny too, and worth a look. I especially like the New York Cab Driver Permit.
The Swiss Army(From BillS)
New Postage Stamp (stolen off Theo Spark)
The Postal Service produced and released into service a stamp with a picture of President Obama on it. The Postal Service noticed that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation. After a month of testing and $17.3 million in Congressional spending, a special Presidential Commission presented the following findings:
1. The stamp is in perfect order.
2. There is nothing wrong with the glue.
3. People are spitting on the wrong side.
Unfortunate Restaurant Names (from Walt)
I have posted several of these, and they have proven to be wildly popular here at Andy's Place. The entire collection (all of which is hilarious) can be found here.
Clean-Up on Aisle 5! (from Dr. Jill)
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife..
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'
On the PA system: 'Cleanup on aisle 5, we have a husband down.'
Why Republican Men Are Happier (from Paul The Fireguy)
btw, there are a few more you can add to that NOW. Just sayin'...
True Story out of Oklahoma (from Ms.Carolyn)
Editorial note: I do not know if this is a true story...that's just the title of the computer letter. It almost looks like something out of a "B" Movie...
The cops were traveling down the highway at around 1 o'clock in the morning near Tulsa , Oklahoma . They found this on the road.
Another patrol car stopped a truck some miles down the highway and were struck with the following image.
The Truck Driver said he thought he felt the impact, but it took him almost 4 miles down the road before he thought he'd better pull over and check out his rig.
Notice the driver has no shoes on from the impact or from being drug all that distance. Ouch!
Side view of Motorcycle Driver caught up in the trailer of the Semi.
Witnesses and State Police say the Motorcyclist was traveling at 120 mph when he ran into the back of the moving semi-truck.
It pays to have a good quality helmet when riding a motorcycle,
Now for the rest of the story!
THIS GUY SURVIVED.
Not a good idea...(from Dr. Jill)
Wife asks husband, "How many women have you slept with?"
Husband proudly replies, "Only you, Darling - With all the others, I was awake."
Hospital Visiting Hours are 10 am to 4 PM.
Mystery! (from Walt)
I just found this to be extremely funny, but I can't seem to make up a funny line or story to go along with it. Maybe you can. Knock yourself out!
German Parade Float (from Paul the Fireguy)
This float was in a parade in Berlin. You've Got to Love those Germans.........They have A Great sense of humor!
Is that Hillary... ??????
What is she hanging on to?
Answer:
His stimulus package!
The Shirako Caught My Eye (from Walt)
Editorial note: I am going to subtitle this one, "The Japs are gross!"
Man oh man! The Shirako got my salivary glands going, and then I kept reading!
Shirako...anybody want to guess what this is? I'll give you a hint. The gross Japs eat it.
Find out here, along with a bunch of other gross junk that gross Japs eat.
Ya' know what? The Japs are gross!!!
"Smart" Car? (from Cowdad)
Hi Andy! I've just got to have one of these cute little things. They get great gas mileage. I can save money and the environment!
Ooops...this is a Photo of An Accident Near New Orleans Involving Two Trucks And A "Smart Car.
Uhhhh. Well, maybe not.
Well, I've got some more stuff that all y'all have sent me, but my CTRL-C & CTRL-V, and my photo downloader/uploader is getting on the warmish side, so I'd better let her cool off.
Let me state once again that I truly appreciate all y'all that contribute here. Without y'all's help, this blog would REALLY suck.
I've got a really fabulously hilariously funny story about me and The Mrs. yesterday at Pancho's (it has nothing to do with Pancho's...just our discussion) that I might tell y'all about later on. Come to think of it, it really ain't all that funny. But, I'll probably tell y'all anyway later on.
Y'all have a blessed Saturday! I love all y'all! I mean it...
I wouldn't eat that Japanese fish business if I was starving. I probably could handled the grasshoppers but nothing else on that list.
ReplyDeleteNow to the Swiss, pretty amazing people. Hitler's mouth watered for Switzerland, probably more gold in Zurich than in Ft. Knox, but he knew better. The Swiss were armed to the teeth and were prepared for a German invasion. Hitler was furious that they shot down 10 Luftwaffe planes that overflew their airspace. Of course, when the allies accidentally bombed Zurich they interned 100 allied military people for the duration of the war too. Even though they were surrounded by the Axis powers, literally, they remained neutral. Neutral, but ready to defend their homeland. The Swiss ain't no wimps.
PS - 'truter' - is Gooble trying to call me a 'truther' and just can't spell?
I ate a lotta weird stuff in the Land O' the Rising Sun, but none of that. My first apartamento in Nihon was right next to a seaweed drying field and I had the damndest time keeping SN1 out of it... he was a toddler then and had a habit of foraging in the drying field, eating all the seaweed he could get his hands on. My neighbors were NOT pleased.
ReplyDeletere: the mo'sickle picture. I saw this elsewhere a couple o' years ago and STILL have nightmares. But then again, we only go 120 when visibility is good and we're wholly sober. Which ain't all that often, these days.
Jim, "neutral" is a hard thing to maintain. But, if EVERYBODY is armed to the teeth, it might be a bit easier. "Peace through strength," and all.
ReplyDeleteBuck, I still don't know if it's for real or not. But, I'm happy to know that you don't go 120, or eat fish sperm. These days. Seriously, I am.