Be safe in celebrating!

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In the inbox from a friend...

"With the holidays upon us, I would like to share a personal experience with my family and friends about drinking and driving.

As you may know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.

Well three days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine.  Feeling jolly, I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit.

That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.  Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block but since it was a cab they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident.

This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before.  I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it................any suggestions?"

Interesting...

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Our good buddy, and regular contributor, Paul The Fireguy sends this along.


As his e-mail said, "no words necessary."

Can you guess what the gal named him?

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Okay, so I've been pondering for 16 hours whether to post this or not.




What the heck!




Courtesy of blog buddy, Deb.  (Her Daddy is a fine dog trainer, too)!

 

The Mrs. said, "Now, THAT'S  a wiener dog!"

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From an ex-Louisianian buddy of mine who now lives in Mobile, AL.

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Dear friends,

If you wore your LSU shirts on Monday, and your Saints shirts on Saturday, PLEASE wear your Obama shirts on election day.

Thanks for the Memories, Cowdad!

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Our OLD friend, Cowdad (who we have NOT heard from in a coon's age) sends along this video.  Sure, it's 10 minutes long, and I rarely post anything longer than 2 minutes (unless it is yours truly doing a V-Log), but I watched the whole dang thing, and enjoyed the heck out of it!

And, if you can get past Baba Wawa, there are some hot chicks in there, too.

A great man was Mr. Hope... 

Trust me, you'll tell this one to someone today...

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Our good buddy, and regular contributor, Paul the Fireguy sends this one along.  (I modified it slightly)

 A small zoo in Alabama obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.  Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat.


To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker (and HUGE Crimson Tide fan) responsible for cleaning the animal cages.  Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?


Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.  The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:


"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."  The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.


"Second", he said, "She must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt, and a 'Bama ball cap."  The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.


"Third", he said, "you can't never tell nobody about this."  The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.


 "Fourth", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist.”  Once again it was agreed.


"And last," Bobby Lee said, "I'll need another week to come up with the $500.00.”

Nyuk...(slightly modified from a computer letter funny from Dr. Jill)

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86 year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at THE HOME.


She runs up to a card table where four old men are playing dominoes with her fist clenched.  She shouts out to them, "Any one of you that can guess what I've got in my hand can have sex with me tonight."


One old man looks up and says, "An elephant."

With a big smile on her face, Bessie says, "Close enough."

That "instant spark."

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A computer letter funny from blog buddy, Deb.

I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we lay making love, I thought, "These TASERs are well worth the money!"

Nyuk...

So, what's a body to do when said body has four million ideas for a blog post, and has a day off, and can't decide which is the best?

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Well...said body just throws 'em all in to one monstrosity of worldwide computer futility.


Yep!  That's what said body do.


So, QUICK!  What is the worst team in all of College Football (regardless of Conference, or Division)?


The Klan!!!  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Nyuk!!!  Lost by 23 to Vandy!


Nyuk!!!


So, what has Andy been doing today?  Well, I'm glad y'all axed!  I been making me a sign, and posting it on my Live Oak Tree in the front yard (that the wetback tree trimmers damn near killed a few years back).


Again.

Yes, there is a subliminal message in there for somebody that just might happen upon this monstrosity of a blog post.

I like The Skype®!

Yep, I really do.  I had heard about The Skype®, but never really was too much interested.  But, when I learned from The Mrs.' cousin that came and stayed with us a couple of weeks ago how way cool it is for keeping in touch with young men while on deployment...well...I BIT, big time.  

Her cousin is a career Army EOD guy, who has served 1 tour in Iraq, and 2 in Afghanistan (Dang...I need to do a post about his visit, and the junk he talked about...and that documentary he pointed us to on The Netflix® about where he was.  Y'all remind me, okay?).  Anyway he said that The Skype® was bitchin', and the way to go for communicating with #1 son.


I had bought me a little Toshiba netbook a good long while back, and knew it had a worldwide computer video camera built in.  But, I never tried it.  So, I navigated my way to The Skype®, and it was as easy as pie to register up, and use it.   I have talked to #1 son on it, and it is just fabulous!


The Mrs. even bought her a worldwide computer video camera to use on her machine.  It's a good one, too.  She went with the $39.95 Hewlett Packard model that is crystal clear!  (Y'all fellows don't be getting no ideas, okay?)


I said all that to say that Andy is officially on The Skype®!  So, if y'all want to friend me on The Skype®, just send me a computer letter, and I'll tell y'all how to be my The Skype® friend.


It's free.  And, you get to look at me face to face.


Bitchin'!!!


Here is a picture of an inbred cat, courtesy of Paul The Fireguy.

Here is a great video of what happens when cattle are confronted with something new. 

I just love me some cows...and really have always been fascinated by the herd mentality.  Blog buddy Deb sent this at me, and it was a smash on The Facebook®.



And finally...our good buddy Innominatus made good on his pledge to wear the LSU purple and gold Chicken Hat that Roses crocheted for me if my beloved Tigers whipped his hated, then #2 ranked Oregon Ducks.  (Which we did in week 1).


Nope!  Can't put those pix in here.  That deserves a post all by itself.  Nyuk!!!


I'll get at it after supper.   Y'all stay tuned.


Yeah, I had the day off...

A little Thursday nyuker...(And NO, it ain't about football)

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Via computer letter from blog buddy, Deb. Again.

A KISS IS A KISS!

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity so he asked... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So she does... And it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

Ain't it funny how time slips away???

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He'll be 31 years old tomorrow.

He was born September 8, 1980, on my beloved Granddaddy's birthday.  My beloved Granddaddy would die a little over a year later.  But, man was he EVER proud that his first Great Grandson shared his day!

 God, he was cute!  


Be safe, Airman!

On a more serious note, our good friend, and regular contributor, Dr. Jill just happened to be the only regular visitor to Andy's Place that sent an actual snail-mail birthday card, congratulating me on surviving my bad habits to the ripe old age of 52.  And, it was really touching, too!

Inside the card it asks the question, "DID YOU MAKE A WISH?"  Now, that's funny.  See, it's a card of a dog farting, and blowing the head off a cotton top...I mean, just like if you were blowing out a birthday cake candle or something.  Now, that's funny.  And, since the fart is blowing the head off a cotton top there's no chance that the dog fart will catch on fire, and singe your private place hair or nothing...


Now, that's funny!  And cerebral, too...

Thanks, Dr. Jill!  And, thanks for being THE ONLY REGULAR VISITOR TO ANDY'S PLACE TO ACTUALLY TAKE THE TIME TO SEND ME A BIRTHDAY CARD!!!

Well, ya' learn something new every day...

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Our good friend, and regular contributor, Dr. Jill, sends this bit of knowledge our way this Saturday am.  (BTW, it's true!  I Goobled it.)

A Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens...

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.

We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.

However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls.

Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?

Believe it or not ....... a Congress!

I guess that pretty much explains the things that come out of Washington!

The Doorbell

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Thanks, Ralph!

Hey y'all! Look at what Dr. Jill dun sont me!!!

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Hey y'all!  Hugs, kisses, yada yada yada...


A couple of days ago (another) package landed at Andy's Place (via US Postal Service) from our good friend, and regular contributor, Dr. Jill.


Now, if you've been hanging out around here for long, you understand that a package from Dr. Jill is always an adventure.  Always.


Well, enclosed was a very nice card.  It said,

Hi Pam & Andy!

Hope all is well.  Here is just a little sumthin' to get you ready for football season."

Then, on the opposite fold of the card was written,

GO VOLS!

And then way, way down in little teeny tiny writing was this:

Go Tigers!
hee hee

So, what was in the package?  Well, I'm glad y'all asked.


This here is the first thing I pulled out.

 

Ain't that something?!?!?! 

I mean, it's a Vol Crimmus Tree Ornament!


Wow!  I'mma put that on the next tree I haul into the house!  Of course, we haven't dragged a scotch pine, or erected a metal one up in the house in about 20 years.  But...the NEXT TIME I put a tree up in the house, that baby is ON IT!  I reckon I'll have to come up with another use for it.


I'm studying on that right now.


But then, the goody got gooder.  Lookit!

This here is a writing pen that is made like an LSU Tiger Cheerleader! Oh man...this is just so way past good that I'm almost typeless.  You may notice that there are a couple of little thumb-switches on the back.  Those are WAY cool!  They actually bring the pen to life.  I mean, my own personal LSU Cheerleader pen starts actually leading cheers!  Really.


I've been following along with her for several hours now, and I'll swear, I'm iz revved up!


Listen!

Go to hell 'Bama...

GO TO HELL!!!!

Go to hell Ole Miss...

GO TO HELL!!!!

Go to hell Tennessee Flarda...

GO TO HELL!!!!

I swear...this is the bestest gift I've gotten since Roses sent me my LSU Purple & Gold Chicken Hat! (BTW...I've got BIG plans for that chicken hat come September...trust me. I mean...TRUST ME)!

Anyway, I've been cheering along for several hours now, and it's just so dang fun that I kinda' lost track of time, and The Mrs. kinda got a little concerned about all the racket.  So, I had to lay her down for a while. 

I love her.
 
Thanks, Dr. Jill!

I think I'm gonna name her Moogie.


With most all of y'all suffering through Underarm-ageddon, I hope that we all can agree that September needs to get her more quicker than usual.


But, I looked at the calendar a little while ago, and friggin' August still stands in the way.


Crud.

Nyuk! I've had a blast with this at the hospital...

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Hey y'all.  Nyuk...


As most of y'all know, last Fall I took a job working in Security at a local hospital.  And, if you've been visiting for long, you know that I LOVE MY JOB!  Seriously, I look forward to going to work, and often wish I had known about this kind of work ages ago.  Anyway...


A couple of weeks ago, our good friend, and regular contributor Dr. Jill, and her husband were visiting from Tennessee to see their daughter graduate from LSU-S.  Since they were in town, we all decided to get together and eat dinner.  We went to a great Cajun restaurant, Ralph & Kacoo's.


They had swung by the house and picked us up in their car, and we had a great visit.  They're great folks.


Well, a couple of days ago I got a very nice note in the mail (snail mail), saying what a good time they'd had, yada yada yada.  And, Dr. Jill said, "but Andy, you left your drivers license in the back seat of our car."

Great Weekend Story!

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Dr. Jill sends this along.

A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake in Florida , walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'There's no money in that account.'

'I know,' said the old man,

'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'

Here's something to look forward to. Maybe.

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Hey y'all! Walt sends along a little fact that I did not previously know. I know it's probably stunning to y'all that there ARE things I do not know. But, it's true.

It seems that July, 2011 will bring something that none of us will ever see again.

Money bags

This year, July has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. This happens
once every 823 years.

The computer letter he sent says something about chink superstition and why it's called "Money Bags," and stuff, but it's kinda interesting to me.

Think about it. If you are in the regular 9 to 5, five day a week working world, you dang near aren't gonna have to hit a lick at a snake in July.  I mean, everybody knows that nothing gets done on Friday anyway.  So, you've got five days to goof off...10 days of weekend...and throw in Independence Day as a holiday, and voila!

Lazy days are headed your way.

The only bad thing I can think about this is that they do not play College Football in July.  If they did, we would have FIVE Saturdays to really enjoy goofing off. 

Just a message in the public interest.  Y'all may now resume interesting reading elsewhere.

"Slip & Fall" in Augusta, GA

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I don't know the date on this news article that our beloved friend and regular contributor, Dr. Jill sent our way.  But, in this litigious society in which we live, your average consumer would be considering a lawsuit...

I don't know if it's the real deal, or a faked up story.  But, it's funny.

Nyuk! (#840)

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From a computer letter sent by Deb.

I have a new pick up line that works every time! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner and I always end up in bed with them. 

Here's how it goes, "Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?"

Okay, so I'll admit that I've always wondered about this. Really, I have!

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Our good friend, and regular contributor, Dr. Jill, finally cleared up for me what in the world is "Victoria's Secret."


I'm quite sure that I can speak for all the regular visitors to Andy's Place when I say, "Thanks, Doc!"