Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Cornelius Calvin Sale has left the building!!!

(Okay...do NOT blame me!)

If you do not read The Wickedpedia, you will not likely know that West Virginia Senator, Robert C. (Carlyle) Byrd was born about 162 years ago, and given the name of Cornelius Calvin Sale at birth.

Well, because you read this blog...now you do.  Don't bother to thank me.

I know that it is not Christian to take any joy in the death of a fellow human being (even if you really despise them).  So, y'all can trust me that I take no joy in the passing on of Senator Cornelius C. Byrdbrain.  I really do not.  I take no joy in it, but I shed not one tear, either.

Several years ago when Senator Byrdbrain went to the well of The Senate and made an absolute ass of himself on some subject...meandering around...talking all out of his head about things he remembered as a child...talking about some guy that never learned to read, and how that guy played a bad-ass fiddle anyway...and talking about how his great "friend" Senator Lincoln had never told a lie (and was even more honest than his other great 'friend' Senator 'Robert' Kennedy)...and how much good he had done for the niggers  (honestly, I can't really remember what bill he was debating...probably something to do with the war in Iraq)...I truly did feel sorry for the ancient relic.

I really did.  So, I sat down at my desk, and typed a computer letter to his office e-mail address.  In my letter, I basically said, "Hey look!  If there is anybody around your office that really cares about Senator Byrd, someone (someone he still recognizes and might trust) needs to take him aside and explain in gentle terms that he should really not make speeches on the Senate floor any longer."  I said, "C'mon...you ALL know that the old guy has lost it, and is really making a buffoon of himself every time he stands to speak.  If ANYONE in your office really CARES about their boss, one or two of you will take matters in hand...gently, and lovingly tell him to shut up, yadda yadda yadda..."

To my great amazement, I received a reply from a staffer (from a personal e-mail address).  It was quite kind, and cordial.  The thrust of it was that if I ever repeated anything he wrote in his e-mail that I was a damned liar, etc..  I can respect that.  Dude felt the need to unload, and for some reason felt he could entrust Andy with  his deep frustrations about how concerned he was about the United States, and had majored in PoliSci, and scraped like all get out to get graduated...but now he worked for a guy that needed his shoes tied for him, and wore Depends.

Just sayin'...

So, Cornelius Calvin has left the building.  Cornelius Byrdbrain was a complex individual for sure.  And, it is completely understandable as to why.  If you enter the Great State of West Robert C. Byrd Virginia on a highway, you will now likely see something similar to this.

But, it is important to remember that when Cornelius Byrd (whatever) was born, the welcome signs on the trails were more like this.

So, it is completely understandable that someone of the character,  and mental acumen of Senator Calvin Byrdbrain might somehow come to represent the folks of the Great State of Robert C. Byrd for the last 98 years!  Makes perfect sense.

Just sayin'...

I started to try to write up a REALLY nice tribute/eulogy/remembrance of Calvin.  But, our old friend Snarky beat me to it.  Now, if you hit that link, and read some of the quotes from Senator Byrd, you must remember that back when Cornelius was a child, he was raised up to disrespect "niggers."  It ain't his fault that he hated "niggers," nor that he proclaimed things like, “I will never submit to fight beneath that banner with a Negro by my side…”  (Well, at least he did use the polite term on that occasion.)

funny animated gif

Nope!  It MUST be remembered that Calvin was a VICTIM of his culture!  Yep!  He was a VICTIM of all them nigger hating folks that raised him up.  Plus he was probably just using those terms to appeal to all the registered voters in West Virginia while he was marking out his territory to run for political office back in the 1800's, and do his very best to screw the US into the ground, while stealing EVERY FREAKIN' TAX DOLLAR FROM THE OTHER 29 STATES IN THE UNION WHEN HE WAS FIRST ELECTED possible to send back to the Great State of Robert C. Calvin Sale.

See, it makes perfect sense.  That's probably why he gave up after only 14 hours while filibustering the Civil Rights Act of 1964.  Him, and Al Gore's Daddy, and the rest of the Democrats really just ACTED like they didn't like the Civil Rights Act.

So, the Republicans had to get it done without the help of the Democrats...who are mostly like Byrdbrain, and do not like negroes much.

funny animated gif

No, it is not racist!  It is just WHO one of the most powerful men in these here United States was.  I mean, he obviously was not a racist.  He just did not care much for "niggers."

I mean, he knew that there were "white niggers," too!  I think his Momma told him that, back when Grandpa had gone off to fight Cornwallis.  Plus, she told him he couldn't get to Heaven if he hated anybody (even if they was a nigger).

funny animated gif

Old Corny had a wise Momma.

Just sayin'...

As I said in the beginning, I do not take pleasure in the death of any human.  I truly do not take any joy in the death of Senator Byrd.  But, his death does deserve mention.  Perhaps no one in my lifetime has been quite as intriguing to me as Calvin For Sale.  I remember as a young child watching him play his fiddle on some Country Music television program.  I think it was on The Opry!

Hang on...

Hey...there's a video on The YouTube of it, plus some other junk of him sawing it off.

He was probably no more than 85 years old at the time, but he could saw it off!

So, the big political question becomes who will replace Mr. (For) Sale in the Senate from West Virginny!

Have the citizens of West Virginia had enough of liberal policies?  Will they finally reject the notion of living as a Welfare recipient now that Sugar Daddy has gone to his reward?

I'm not betting on it.


  1. Why doncha tell us whaqt you're really thinking, Andy!

    Will the West Virginniers wise up? Have they yet?

    The good Senator's passing has thrown a little entertainment value into some of the upcoming behemoth legislation, however. Let's see what kind of tap dance comes out of the White House.

    Or is that racist?

  2. Well, I can tell that deep, deep down ya really liked the guy. It just comes thru, yanno?

    I noted his passing with not a small amount of satisfaction. I'm not a Christian so perhaps I can get a dispensation (of sorts) for my behavior and/or thoughts in this space. But I don't really need one.

  3. Moogie, THAT'S RACIST!!!

    Buck, I really did kinda' like the guy...kinda' like how you have an affection for weird Uncle Cletus that lives in Gradma's root cellar, and has to ride in the back of the pickup because he can't fit in the cab.

    Yeah...like that.

    As far as the dispensation of grace goes...well...that'll be betwixt you and somebody more smarter and powerful than me.

  4. Give yourself a big ol' pat on the back! You got not one, but THREE LOLs out of the Pepper with this post!! Not just smirks, but actual out-louders!

    He supposed you're a black guy, and I said nope. He said, "Then that makes it even funnier!"

    w/v: it would be indelicate of me to reveal it in mixed company!

  5. Moogie, thank you for the update. Pepper is obviously easily amused, but tell him that I'm glad at least he found it amusing.

    And, I am not a black guy, but I do play one on Facebook. Seriously. Heck, I've got to finally update y'all on my The Facebook experiment pretty soon.

    And, thank you for not posting an indelicate word verification. But, you can e-mail it to me. I don't blush easy.


Don't cuss nobody out, okay?