Saturday, November 20, 2010

Things I never said to my kids...(Updated)


I have been the most blessed of all men to have wonderful parents.  Truly, I have.

My Momma and Daddy are in their mid-70's, and I know that I won't have them with me much longer in the big scheme of things.  Don't get me wrong.  There is nothing physically wrong with either of them that portends losing either of them soon. But, the clock ticks, and I know in my knower that one day I will say "goodbye" for the last time.  That's just the way things go.

Anyway, I have ALWAYS known (even as a young child I realized it) how fortunate I am to have a "home team" that is always in my corner...from Parents, to Grandparents, to Great Grandparents...yep...I had two Great Grandmothers that passed away when I was 27, and 34.  Amazing, huh?

And, I love my home team.  And I don't know why, but tonight I was thinking about the "Nature vs. Nurture" subject, and wondered just how much each factor played in my life.  While I was thinking about all of this many things my folks said to me as a kid just flooded through my mind.  And, I tried to figure out if my "nurture" had rubbed off on me even more than my "nature" in my dealings with my own children.

Anyway, I'm getting lost here, so let me get to the point.  There are a bunch of things that I NEVER said to my kids that my folks said to me.  Here is a list. (Most of these came from Momma, because Daddy worked all the time when I was growing up, and I didn't really get to know him very well until I started working for him).

UPDATE:  Them:  If you keep making that face, it's gonna stick like that!

                  Me:  HA!  It cracks me up when you make that face!

1)  Go cut me a Quince limb!  (If you don't know what that means, then you never got whipped with one).

2)  Well, if Billy Walter was gonna jump off a cliff, would you do it, too?

c)  Wish in one hand, and spit in the other.  Then see which one fills up quickest!

d)  You hellions are gonna drive me to Brentwood!  ("Brentwood" was a local Nervous Hospital that Mommas in our neck of the woods used to threaten to visit when their children finally got on their last wasn't just my Momma, either.  I found out after I married The Mrs. that her Momma used to use that same "Brentwood" line.  I never put much stock in that one, because none of us four kids could drive at the time anyway).

5)  Don't y'all make me come back there!

6)  (This one is from Daddy)  Y'all kids shut up!  Gomer Pyle is comin' on!

See, I NEVER said not one of those things to my kids.

But, there are some things I have said to my kids that my folks never said to me.  And in a way they mirror those things mentioned above, though not in the same words.

1)  Dangit!  I wish we had a Quince bush...I reckon this "restriction" will have to do.

2)  Go jump off a cliff, and take your friends with you.

c)  If I EVER hear you say "that's not fair" again, I will whip you until you can't sit down, or stand up!  Life is NOT FAIR!  It never has been, and it never will be.  You need to get the notion out of your head right now, because the quicker you learn it, the better off you will be! "Fairness" is a dream...a with that! 

d)  You hellions are gonna drive y'all's Momma to Brentwood!  Here's the keys...

5)  "Jeepers Honey, it sounds like a sawmill with all those boys snoring in the back seat!" 
Which usually evoked a response from the Mrs. something like, "Yeah, and it smells like the bathroom at that run-down Texaco we filled up at. Oh, did you remember to give them back the key?"

6)    Y'all kids shut up!  Naw, I never really did say that to my boys.  I can't actually remember a time that I didn't want to hear them laughing, talking, joking back and forth...talking about modern culture stuff I really didn't grab (music groups, new computer junk, books, trends, etc.).

So...well, that's about all I had on my mind tonight.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I was thinking about a whole lot of other things, too.  Really, I was.  They were really important things.  I just didn't feel like typing out loud about them.

I guess that's it then!  Y'all have a blessed Saturday.  I'll be working on my business early, and then we're gonna have a belated birthday party for The Mrs.

She turned 39 yesterday!  Only we couldn't celebrate it today because we couldn't.  But oooooohhhh, I bought her a pretty new Winter coat at The Burlington, and I'm gonna get her a card tomorrow when The Dollar General Store opens up.  And her brother sent her flowers, and her Momma took her out to Copeland's for lunch, and #2 son bought her some Yankee Candles, and #3 son bought her her favorite candy (Raisinettes), and Nick (the young man that lives with us) bought her some of which is "Fried Green 'Maters," and I bought a cheesecake from The Walmart, and cherry pie filling to top it off with (also from The Walmart, but I think it's lucky leaf brand, and not Sam's Choice, or Ol' Roy, or whatever they call it now), and Doritos, and Velveeta (store brand, because the Velveeta people have gotten awfully proud of their junk, and have driven the price through the roof, and something else I can't remember...oh yeah...spinach dip.

She loves spinach dip.

So, y'all don't tell her about all these surprises, okay?  I mean, it needs to be secret...just between us...


  1. Happy Belated Birthday to Mrs. Andy!

    And you NEVER told your kids to shut up? I'm not sayin' I don't believe you, Andy, it's just that... I don't believe you. I still tell my kids to shut up once in a while. But I say it with a smile, lest they kick my ass.

  2. I could have written this same post, but it was Whitfield, not Brentwood.

    And I snorted at Ol' Roy Cherry Pie Filling.

  3. Happy 39th to the Mrs!

    I figgered that I'd for sure read "You just wait 'til your father gets home!" in there somewhere.

    In my house, that usually meant that whatever I did deserved more whuppin' than my mom could apply. Didn't hear it often, thankfully.

  4. Happy Birthday to the missus!

    I too have been blessed with a wonderful family, something I came to appreciate more after marrying my wife and seeing the dysfunction in her family.

    And I believe I too fall more in line with the "nurture" than the "nature", but once my patience has been worn out it tends to wildly swing towards the latter.

  5. Buck: I ran your comment past Pam, and she snickered. However, we generally agreed that if I did tell the boys to "shut up," it wasn't very often. No, they were all the quiet sort. They never made much racket, and when they did it didn't really bug me.

    The boys never really fought. They always got along well, and the oldest son was always very sweet with his younger brothers...never stirring up junk.

    So, they never really got on my nerves. Plus, I wasn't around much when they were little guys, so when I was I always enjoyed the time with them...even on the rare occasions when it got "loud."

    Inno: I NEVER heard that one. My Mom was well able to administer punishment with no help from Daddy. In fact, I can only remember two instances where Daddy administered discipline. I remember them well, too.

    Paul: I knew you'd be able to identify. Whitfield...nyuk...

    Dave: Thanks! I will pass along the good wishes to the old gal.

  6. Andy, one of my Mom's sayings I remember that I've not heard anywhere else was, "If you don't stop that, I'm gonna jerk a knot in your tail!"

    Congrats to you and your Bengal Tigers yesterday. Can't ya'll win one easy for a change?

  7. Andy, you crack me up -- Ol' Roy cherry pie filling. Heh. You done good by going with the Lucky Leaf, although there's really no substitute for the real Velveeta.

    Wal-Mart actually has "junk?" Did you see anyone get arrested for touching it?

    It was The Bridgeway where my kids were driving me. I never told them to go play in the traffic like my Mama told me a time or two when I was getting on her nerves, but I did tell them to "wear their (metaphorical) white gloves and act like ladies," as my Mama admonished me, and to "save some money to bet on the gray horse," like my husband's Mama had told him.

    Happy birthday to the young and llovely Mrs. Andy! Sounds like quite a party! Make sure she blows out all the candles!

  8. Hi Dan! Your Mother and mine must have gone to the same school. I had forgotten that one, but she used it regularly. I think her Grandmother (who did a good bit of her raising) used that one regularly, and she memorized it.

    That was a close one, but I really didn't have any doubt that we would win it...dunno why...just knew that we would. BTW, we did win 251 to 0 last week against The Monroe Tonsorial School, and Dance Academy. I wish we had had USC, Notre Dame, or Oregon on the schedule this season, and we'd have had a couple of extra breathers.

    Moogie, ...arrested for touching Walmart's junk...NYUK! BTW, we didn't have any candles on the cheesecake. Funny, Pam said, "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." Made me snicker...

  9. You are so funny! Happy Belated Birthday to Pam!

  10. Hey, CB! NO! YOU are funny. I swear, I'm still laughing about a chick pondering that she needed a manicure during a traffic pile-up.

    Seriously, I am.

  11. "Wish in one hand and SPIT in the other.." My dad used a different word. How about, "I'm gonna spank you for screaming and your brother for making you scream!"

    Happy Birthday to the Mrs.

  12. I think my personal favorite from my Daddy was 'Put your hands down, you're not driving a truck' (while mounted on a horse, going around in circles), or 'Don't pick your nose, your head will cave in'

  13. 'Don't pick your nose, your head will cave in'

    Nyuk! I gotta remember that one, Deb! Never heard it before, but certainly plan to use it in the future.


Don't cuss nobody out, okay?