Hey y'all...

.

BOO!!!

The idea came from Buck, but I couldn't figure out how to use that dealie so I went with Microsoft Paint as usual.


I suck.


Happy Halloweems, y'all.  Hope y'all get enough candy to completely rot your teeth out!!!

The Mrs. is MAKING me grow my hair back...

...and I don't like it not ONE DANG BIT!

Okay, so it all started like this.  About a month ago or so, #3 son was looking at some pictures from a couple of years ago, and being the smartelek that he is said to The Mrs., "Mom, you really need to tell Dad to grow his hair back.  He looked a lot better with hair."

Smartelek!

So, under that wind, The Mrs. began to drop little hints about me growing my hair back.  Now, long time visitors to Andy's Place know just how long and hard I suffered over the decision to go with a buzz cut.  I mean, I even polled y'all, and the overwhelming response was, "JUMP!"  


Y'all might even remember when I did it.  This was one of the most beloved events in Andy's life that have been chronicled here on this Titanic of mediocrity. 

And I swear, I quickly came to love my buzz cut.  In fact, a couple of weeks later I shorn on down with a #1 clipper guard, and have been doing that every two weeks since April of last year.  That is, until about a month ago, or so.  That's when The Mrs. finally came clean, and told me that she really didn't like my buzz cut.

She was all like, "Well, you look a lot younger with hair," and "Your head isn't shaped real good for a burr," and junk like that.  I responded with like "Well, I don't care how young I look," and "My Mama says that I have a beautifully shaped head."  To which she replied with junk like, "Well, Mamas lie to their kids about their appearance all the time.  Trust me, I know," and other junk like that.

I mean, I have NEVER, NOT EVER, NEVER told The Mrs. how I would like for her to wear her hair.  I mean, I've never said, "Sweetheart, you looked a lot better with long hair than you do with short hair."  That would be hurtful...and WAY stupid.


Just sayin'...


In fact, The Mrs. has glorious hair.  She's got a thick head full of it that most women would kill for.  And even though she KNOWS I like long hair on ladies, she keeps it bobbed off real short.  And, that's cool with me.  You know why?  Because I know it's a pain in the butt to a busy lady to have to keep care of long hair.  So, I would NEVER, not EVER ask her to grow her lovely, thick locks back out on my account.


Just sayin'...


But Nooooooooooo....she is making me grow my hair back out.  And, I hate it. 


HATE IT!  HATE IT!  HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I had come to love the ease of maintenance...I can wear ball caps without getting "caphead," I can just use a washrag for hygiene, and I don't have to make an appointment to get it all shaped up, and pay good money for it.  


Plus, I think I look pretty dang good with a buzz cut.


So, a month or so into my regrowth, what do I look like? 


A retarded fuzzball.  Yep, that's exactly what I look like.  I mean, what The Mrs. doesn't understand is that when you have to regrow from a buzz cut to a standard look, you've got all this crap that's got to get long enough in the intermediate time before you can actually make it lay down one way or another.  And, I guess she doesn't realize that this friggin' gray hair just goes any way it wants to.


If you don't have gray hair yet, you won't understand, but that crap just goes left, right, up, down, sideways...each little gray hair has a mind of its own, and a head full of it all growing back out at once makes you look like a retarded fuzzball.  


I started to put a picture of myself up here so y'all could just see what I'm talking about, but I am too ashamed to post it on the computer.  I am sure y'all would point and laugh.  Heck, she just don't realize that I've got to be out in the public.  I've got to go to work.  


I know people at work are pointing and laughing.  Oh sure, they are all real nice, and friendly when I'm visiting with them and all.  But, I KNOW that as soon as I turn and walk away they all start talking about how "Andy looks like a retarded fuzzball."  I'm sure of it.


And, it's not just work, either.  I mean, I have to go shopping, and I'm afraid I'm gonna end up on The Wal-Mart People computer page.  I swear, every time I go out in public now I'm gun-shy.  This sucks!


I liked my buzz-cut.  I liked it a lot.  I thought that I had finally "found myself," and gotten past all the vanity junk.  But, this foray back into hair has really screwed that over.  Now, I look worse than I ever have (except for maybe that mullet period in the early '90s), and it's really bugging me.


Have I mentioned that I HATE IT?  HATE IT!  HATE IT!  HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, I think I did.  But, I'm gonna do it because I love The Mrs., and because she has told me in no uncertain terms that she's not gonna help me trim up the back if I DO get the clippers out again.  And, that would probably look even more retarded than my current fuzzball state.   I guess it'll be okay.  She assures me that in another few weeks, it'll be long enough to get it all shaped up and that I'll be glad that I did grow it back out.

I am NOT convinced.


This sucks!  


Yeah, I meant this post...

Coming to a urinal near you?

 This is a new one on me...

Okay, so The Mrs. & I went to eat lunch today at a local restaurant that I had never been to.  I am planning writing a review either tonight or tomorrow for our local friends here in the Ark-La-Tex area.

But, I saw something I have never seen before while I was visiting said restaurant.

When we got there, I had to go tinkle because I had drank too much coffee, or something.  So, in I head to the little boy's room.  Now, all you guys will know that many restaurants, businesses, etc. put stuff up above the urinal for you to look at while you're tinkling.

Oh, I've seen real nice pictures of pastoral scenes, or vintage sports photos, or old newspaper ads like from the 20's, or vintage movie posters, and one john I frequent puts the current "page one" of the local newspaper (The Shreveport Times) up every day for your enjoyment.  But, I'm getting kind of old, and can't shoot that high anymore.  Sigh.

Anyway, I ain't never seen this!

You will note in this photo that there is a picture of a football player above this particular urinal.  (Man, I'm glad I had my camera back at the table).  Who is the football player in the picture?  I do not know.  But, I'm sure he was probably taken in the NFL draft last night.  It's a picture...a moving picture...

It's a stinkin' flat panel television screen above a urinal!

And, it's showing ESPN!

Seriously!  C'mon!  Just how much TV is too much?  Jeepers, you can't even go take a leak at this place without lookin' at a stinkin' television!

And, that ain't all!

Yep!  It's a Two-Wall-er...

And, the "short boy" urinal features ESPN II!

Actually, when I went in there, there were two waiters leaning up against the lavatory watching.  (But when I started unzipping, they went on back to work...which was nice of 'em.)

So, I was telling The Mrs. about this, and before we left, I FINALLY talked her in to visiting the Chick Potty (even though she didn't really need to), just to see if they had their own TV, and like if it was set on the Cooking Channel, or the Having a Baby Channel.

So, she comes back with the camera, and says, "This restaurant is sexist!"  So, I quizzed her further.  She said, "There is not a television in the ladies' room.  Let me show you what WE have in OUR rest room..."

So, she handed me the camera set in the "review mode."

Nyuk!  What'll they think of next?

"Buzz Cut" Update...Family Reactions...

Okay, so I went to my nephew's wedding last night.  Neither of my parents, nor any of my siblings had seen me since the big event.  I was curious as to what their reactions would be.

Daddy was the first to see me.

Daddy:  (With eyebrows raised, and a dookie-eatin' grin on his face)  Andy...it looks good!  Did you do that on purpose?

Momma:  (Not even raising an eyebrow)  Sweetie, you look just wonderful!  I haven't seen you like that since you were four or five years old.  I always said that you had just the prettiest shaped head!  Come over here and give me some sugar!!!

Aunt Peg (Walt's Momma):  Well, you certainly will be 'cooler' this summer!

Jimmy (Brother In Law):  Ya' know Andy, I've thought about doing that myself.


     Me:  Go for it!


Jimmy:  Naw...the US Army taught me what I look like wearing a cut like that.


Sister (The oldest of us kids):  Oooohhhh, don't you look 'different!'  Just kidding, you look like Uncle Ross!

Now, this is a comment I can dig up on.  Uncle Ross was not the most handsome man in the world, but he comes up in my top two in "the nicest guys I've ever known" roster.  I'll take that as a compliment.

Older Brother (The father of the groom):  Hey man!  Not bad...you look like Lee.


     Me:  Uncle Lee?


Older Brother:  No, our cousin Lee.  I'll bet you're gonna like it.  It don't look bad at all!

Baby Brother:  (pointing and laughing)  You look retarded!

     Me:  Bite me!

See, I knew somebody would point at me, laugh, and tell me that I look retarded.  But, it's just Baby Brother...

Honestly, I'd have been disappointed if he didn't.  With all the grief we gave him coming up, he can dish all he wants...and I know he loves me.

Even if he is a smartass!

If you own stock in "The Suave Shampoo Company"...

Sell!!!

Just sayin'...

Andy goes with a #2...

Hey y'all!  Hugs, kisses,  yada yada yada...

Well, I have been tuning up for the big day for about a week now.  And honestly, I've been a real wuss about the whole deal.  The Mrs. has been egging me on to finally get it done.  So I done it.

The "Moment of Truth" has arrived!

Can Andy do it?

 Can he do it?

Yep he can!  Yep he can!

See!  Yep he can!

So, yesterday I did something I had NEVER done in my 50 years of life.  I went and bought hats/caps.  I've never worn a hat, nor a cap in my life before.  But due to the great advice of my dear friends here at Andy's Place, I figured I'd need plenty of coverage when I finally "juuumped," and done away with my mousy-gray mop.

So...you might notice that I've still got the Minnie Pearl price tags on my The WalMart caps, and The Burlington hat.  I didn't take the tags off, just in case I chickened out and didn't finally relent to y'all's wishes, and needed to return them.

I think the white cap looks good on me.

(It was five bucks at The WalMart.)

Hey Vern!  Ya' know what I mean?

The Mrs. likes this one the best.  Seriously!

(It was $2.50 at The WalMart)

I bought this one at The Burlington.  I figure I'll use it for funerals, and Weddings and junk.

(It was $9.95 at The Burlington...serious hats cost more)

Okay, this one belongs to The Mrs.  

But, I like it! (even though I'd never be seen wearing it in public).

At the end of the cap/hat buying, I splurged!

I finally bought me an LSU Tiger ball cap!

(it was 10 bucks at TheWalMart)

Having always been a conflicted Tiger fan, I was always conflicted about whether to buy an LSU ball cap or not.  I mean...if you don't ever wear ball caps, why buy one?  But since I've got to wear one now, due to the fact that y'all mostly wanted me to slick my head down, the $10 for the LSU ball cap at The WalMart seemed like a no-brainer.  (which is right up my alley)

So, I just went with a #2 guard on the clipper.  I thought about shaving all the way down.  But, I was just afraid that people would point at me, and laugh.  So #2 will have to do.  For now.

Dang...I guess it'll grow back.